I Love Me, I Love Me Not

Outside of keeping God first in your life, there is nothing that matters more than loving and cherishing yourself. You are your first ministry—meaning, you need to take care of yourself before you can do anything for others. You matter and your life holds immense value. It’s unfortunate that we live in a society that tries to tell you otherwise and determine how much you are worth based on its own standard. No one can determine that but God and just by creating you, He made it very clear that you are important. You were created for far too great a purpose to allow your self-worth to be minimized by what the world tells you, or because of how negatively you see yourself. If you struggle with truly loving yourself, then this post is for you!

Is God Still On Your Back Burner?

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matthew 6:33) When Jesus said this, He was making it very clear that God should be our number one priority above everything else. At times, people find themselves battling various trials and tribulations in life, wondering where God is and how they even got there. But, they don’t realize that some of those challenges didn’t come as a test from God; rather, they were the result of a misaligned relationship with God. We are all guilty of doing things our own way, and then asking God to get on board afterwards—that’s not how God works fam. To live a life surrendered to Him means letting Him guide you. But in order for God to guide you, you have to hear Him clearly. So tell me, what is drowning out God’s voice in your life?

It’s Not Even That Deep Bae … Is It?

Love is such a beautiful thing, especially when it is handled properly. It becomes even more incredible when it is manifested in the form of two people coming together romantically and, in time, becoming one in marriage. So, it may seem a bit weird to talk about “boundaries” but they are extremely important in a relationship! They help ensure the bond you two share is protected. Some would argue that nothing should be off-limits in a relationship but there are nuances to this as sometimes this can be misused and abused. There are certain boundaries that are needed to keep the love thriving and not dying a slow death. And trust me, you don't want to learn that by experience.

Unblurring the Lines of Friendship

“Friends—how many of us have them?” We have all been blessed with having at least one person in life we call a friend. With friendships comes an abundance of great talks, laughs, support and a lifetime of memories. They should be cherished and valued as the blessing that they are in our lives. Now don’t get me wrong, friendships also come with hardships, difficult conversations and disagreements, but overall, they are a source of great happiness in the midst of the turmoil faced in this world. And it’s for that reason we must take extra precautions and steps to ensure the friendship lasts by addressing the “little” things that we think aren’t a big deal but actually carry a great deal of weight. Those “little” things are boundaries.

Do You Have a Job or Does Your Job Have You?

Before I start talking about the much needed boundaries around your job, I encourage you to read the first part of this series about setting boundaries with yourself. It sets the tone for the entire series, and if you can’t set a boundary with yourself and stick to it, you’ll find it quite difficult to place them in other areas of your life. *insert Druski meme* “But hey, that’s just me.”

Now, let’s talk about the place that helps you keep the lights on at home—your job. For a place that we spend so much of our life in, you’d think that it would be a place you enjoy showing up to each day. But alas, jobs have drained the life out of many people. You find it increasingly more challenging with each passing day to show up and give your best because, in many cases, they are taking more out of you than they’re giving (you know, kind of like that toxic ex you haven’t let go of). Understand this—your job may pay you, but they don’t own you. And we are going to discuss how to make sure they know that, too.

Boundaries Start with You

Boundaries. Cambridge Dictionary defines it as, “a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something.” I like this definition because it emphasizes that boundaries aren’t just about dividing continents, school districts and bodies of water; it is also about the boundaries of things we can’t physically see. Boundaries are critical in maintaining peace of mind, avoiding being taken advantage of, ensuring people don’t meddle in private areas of your life and protecting the people and things that matter most to you. Boundaries aren’t just for yourself either—they should be set with your job, your friendly relationships, your family and parents and your romantic relationships. But to start this Boundaries series off right, I need to first focus on setting boundaries with yourself.

It Takes a Village for a Reason

You’re not tired? Yeah YOU! When you have a problem, who do you call? You. When work is getting difficult, who do you lean on? You. If an unexpected bill or expense arises, who takes care of it? You. So again—you’re not tired? I get it—you’re used to living a life where you look out for yourself and I’m sure your reasoning sounds like this: if you want to avoid disappointment, you do it yourself; if you don’t want to be let down, you do it yourself; and if you want things done a certain way, you do it yourself. But wait, what happens when your health takes a hit because of how much you’re doing? What happens when you don’t have the strength to manage all the responsibilities you’re struggling to juggle? What happens when you’re feeling mentally drained? Well, you’ll only have one person to blame—YOU.

Thriving With Your Spec

You finally found your spec and you both decided to take the next step to establish an actual relationship. That is great news! Although it may feel a bit different at times now that you are fully committed to this person, love is a beautiful thing and I’m sure it will bring you lots of happiness and enjoyment. Getting here may not have been easy, but it will definitely be worthwhile. For that to happen, you have to make sure the relationship lasts. Don’t make the mistake of applying pressure to show someone you want a future with them, only to stop putting in as much effort once you are actually with them. Relationships take intentional effort to not only maintain them but help them grow. So, what does that look like?

Embrace God’s Best For You

We live in a time where we just never seem to be satisfied with where we are in life. If we aren't constantly comparing ourselves to other people, we are convincing ourselves that we aren't where we are "supposed" to be – which has never made sense to me because how does one even arrive at this conclusion? Is it because you aren't as successful as you thought you would be by this point in your life? Is it because you aren't generating as much income as you would have hoped? Is it because your day-to-day life doesn't seem social media worthy? Whatever your reason may be, you need to understand that you are on your specific path for a reason. There is a purpose God has for you, and only you can fulfill it if you stay the course.

A Real Friend to the End

We have finally come to the last part of the friendship series and will now focus on what makes a friendship last after it’s been formed! Maintaining a friendship is a lot simpler than people make it seem. Granted, the keyword here is simple – I didn’t say it would always be easy. We all have our own lives and responsibilities, and it will not always be convenient to do what is necessary to uphold a friendship. However, nothing in life that’s worthwhile usually comes that easy. So, I want to help you understand the steps you should take to ensure your friendships stand the test of time.

Dang, Can I Catch a Break?

It seems like these days, everyone is dealing with one situation or the other. People have lost loved ones, jobs, friends, relationships, and their minds, trying to manage it all. It is extremely difficult to see any good in a situation when things seem dire; even more so when it seems to be one challenge after another. It’s also not an easy task to support and console those in your life that are going through these circumstances when you can’t imagine what it’s like to be in their shoes. But take heart - I’m here to reassure you that despite your situation, all hope is not lost.

Real Friends, How Many of Us?

When it comes to the topic of friendship, everyone seems to have different definitions. But I think Dictionary.com defines a friend pretty well as, “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.” I believe this definition really helps delineate between a true friend and these numerous “friend” variations society has created. In my opinion, family is family and is in a category of its own. But if you’re sexually involved with someone who isn’t your partner, can you truly say this person is a friend? What happens if you remove the sexual aspect - will you still be real friends? Let’s look at what a friendship looks like and go from there.

Dating Nowadays: It's Time to Up Your Game Kings (Part 5)

And after a very hefty waiting period, we have arrived at the part you all have been waiting for - the dating solutions discussion. We are starting with the men to answer the question, “How can you address the areas you’ve fallen short when it comes to dating women?” If you haven’t read the previous posts of this series, please go back and read them first for context. For those who have been following it diligently, let’s keep it going.

Dating Nowadays: Step It Up King (Part 3)

Fellas, fellas, fellas. I know it’s “ladies first” but you knew I had to start with you. Let me just preface and say that the areas of improvement I list below are not meant to be taken as shots at you - unless the shoe fits. This is meant to give a transparent view at what within you needs to change through constructive criticism - and when I say constructive criticism, I mean you should be reading this with the intention to take an honest look at yourself and determine what areas you need to improve. If you read through this list and begin to get defensive, start calling out the shortcomings of women, and/or try to justify the actions below, then you are missing the entire point of this post. As men, we are called to lead in numerous arenas, and be an example to others. But how can we do that if we ourselves aren’t the best version of ourselves, nor do we make the effort to correct our own faults?

The Buck Doesn’t Stop at 25

(Disclaimer - this is a long post, but I also know y'all got nothing but time now lol)

As I was blessed to see the milestone of 25 years of life last Friday, I reminisced on how far I’d come. The challenges I’ve faced, the impacts I’ve had, my shortcomings, my career, and the trajectory my future is on have all been essential in my growth to this point. It has not been easy. “Say it louder for the people in the back!!” said my audience. IT. HAS. NOT. BEEN. EASY. Hooookay?! But we thank God for seeing this year because many didn’t have the same opportunity.

Traveling Solo Dolo

Last month, I decided to take a solo dolo trip to Bangkok, Thailand for my birthday! Why did I pick Bangkok? I honestly still don’t know lol but everything seemed to fall into place from planning the trip, to booking activities and tours, to securing the flight and hotel. So armed with my mother’s hundreds of prayers, and all my travel necessities, I was on my way. And I can honestly say traveling on my own was one of the most worthwhile and eye-opening experiences I’ve ever had, and I would highly recommend people to try it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be out of the country but taking a trip alone puts you in a space where you can experience things for yourself without the input of others, grow and cultivate your sense of independence, and really get to know the real you. I certainly did, and I learned key some things along the way:

How Tight a Grip Does Society Have on You?

“That’s the norm.” “Everybody’s doing it.” “You’re so… different.” These statements may sound familiar to those who have encountered situations where who they are or the way they live their life was not what others would deem as “normal.” For example, some people will comment when a person doesn’t drown their fries in ketchup but dabs it on each fry instead, and vice versa. That’s how society works- anything outside of what people are used to, or believe is the “right” way of doing things, is considered abnormal.

My Hiatus of Solitude [Part 1: The Journey]

I had a lot of trouble writing this post, because each time I started, questions began to flood my mind. How do I fit 5 months of experience into one post? How do I keep it concise enough that people actually read it entirely? Did I gain as much from my fast of solitude as I wanted, or claim? The truth is, I can’t guarantee the right answers for all of these questions because everyone will have their own interpretation of what I have to share. But, I think it’s been put on my heart to say something since I came out of my fast with a new, refreshed, and solidified mindset. My hope is that even if you aren’t Christian, my takeaways will resonate with you in the same manner they did with me. This fast opened my eyes to many things, and I hope it does for you as well.