Boundaries Start with You

Boundaries. Cambridge Dictionary defines it as, “a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something.” I like this definition because it emphasizes that boundaries aren’t just about dividing continents, school districts and bodies of water; it is also about the boundaries of things we can’t physically see. Boundaries are critical in maintaining peace of mind, avoiding being taken advantage of, ensuring people don’t meddle in private areas of your life and protecting the people and things that matter most to you. Boundaries aren’t just for yourself either—they should be set with your job, your friendly relationships, your family and parents and your romantic relationships. But to start this Boundaries series off right, I need to first focus on setting boundaries with yourself.

It may sound odd—like why would you set boundaries for yourself? What does that even look like? I’m glad you asked. Boundaries are important to set for yourself because if you don’t, it’s more likely people will finesse you—as in, take advantage of you for my less hip folk—and/or run all over you. If you look around you, many people struggle with being used by friends and romantic partners, being overloaded with tasks at their job, being stretched thin with the number of ministries they serve in church, and many other situations due to lack of boundaries. This post is here to help you start addressing this so that your life can take a turn for the better. Boundaries don’t limit you; they set you free!

Boundaries with Your Spirituality

Your spiritual walk should matter above all else because God should be the priority of your life. Through Him, everything else flows. So, setting boundaries here is a two-parter: setting boundaries to focus on God and setting boundaries to remove things that draw you away from Him. For the former, this means committing yourself to being in church, studying your Word, having quiet time with God and serving where you can; doing them all consistently; and making it nonnegotiable. For the latter, it’s not watching certain shows, avoiding specific music, assessing the company you keep and other steps to stay in alignment with the Father. Not everything in life is something God calls you to; so, it’s okay to say no every now and again.

Boundaries with Your Time

Time is one of—if not THE most—precious commodity that you have and it’s for that reason that you have to manage it wisely. If you are not careful, others can use it for their own advantage without you even realizing it. You only have so many hours in the day and you have your own responsibilities to take care of. Therefore, it’s for your own good that you are cognizant of how your time is being spent. Now, I am not saying you can’t help a friend, spend extra time at work to finish an assignment, or watch a show you like to relax and unwind; those are all understandable decisions. However, you must set boundaries to ensure you still have time for yourself and what matters most to you; so, it’s okay to say no every now and again.

Boundaries with Your Mental Health

Your mind must be protected at all costs. You only get one brain and once it’s done, it’s done (unless AI starts getting out of hand). When you are overwhelmed by life, you can become mentally exhausted and eventually, burned out. When that happens, you will find even after getting 8+ hours of sleep, that you’re just as drained as you were before it. Balance is important to make sure you can keep going, even when it’s difficult. Not only that, but the words you tell yourself have an impact, too. Are you saying daily affirmations? Are you telling yourself you’ll succeed? All of this impacts your mentality. It’s important to set boundaries and avoid doing too much in order to prioritize your mental health; so, it’s okay to say no every now and again.

Boundaries with Your Emotions

With all the chaos happening in the world, it can be a lot to deal with emotionally. People are losing loved ones, getting fired from their jobs, being deported and facing terminal illnesses and diseases—these are heavy events for anyone to experience. However, you need to take the time to reflect, and ensure you’re actually okay and emotionally stable. Yes, be there for your friends and support them when they are going through a tough time. But remember, you can’t give from an empty cup. If you find yourself giving and giving but aren’t feeling the best internally, you need to set some boundaries to address what’s going on within you (e.g., therapy, self-care, time off); so, it’s okay to say no every now and again.

Boundaries with Your Finances

Spending has never been easier than it is now. If it’s not a new designer item today, it’s a new house tomorrow. I’m not gonna tell you how to spend your money; I simply want to encourage you to be aware of how it’s spent. When you don’t set limitations with your finances, you will find you have more month than money, more debt piling up and less of a safety net to fall back on. Money is a resource; so, spend more time finding ways to grow and save it opposed to living paycheck to paycheck. As you manage your money more effectively, you will find you have more of it available to buy and do the things you like. Trust me—there will always be another trip, another phone, another social outing, etc.; so, it’s okay to say no every now and again.

Boundaries with Social Media

Social media has been the norm of how people learn about everything. But with a great amount of information taken in daily comes the need to watch what you’re exposing yourself. Whether you admit it or not, it does have some impact on you. Someone could see a friend achieving great things in their career and start to feel inadequate. A teenager could see something sexual and feel the urge to try it before they’re even mentally or emotionally prepared for the consequences. Social media can be beneficial when used appropriately but detrimental when used negatively. Set boundaries around the pages you follow, the influencers you listen to, etc. You are not obligated to follow everyone; so, it’s okay to say no every now and again.

Let me just warn you in advance—since you haven’t set hard boundaries in the past, it will be difficult at first and it will take time to get adjusted to the changes. You may not get it completely right each time you try to enforce a boundary. You may find yourself saying “No” at first and then with just the right push, go back to your original “Yes” response. You may drop certain workloads or responsibilities but feel bad about it and end up picking it back up little by little. That is all understandable. The important thing is to recognize when you are regressing and take the necessary steps to reinforce those boundaries.

Also, bear in mind that this may come as a shock to many people and organizations around you that have benefitted from you, and it may not be received well. That’s to be expected. I mean, they’re losing a valuable asset—someone who was willing to do everything for them. But this change is meant for your sake. Whether they like it or not, it’s a necessary adjustment and you will thank yourself later for it. They will get over it.

Overall, I want you to understand that taking steps to setting healthy boundaries for yourself will serve you extremely well in the future. You will get back your peace of mind, find more energy to do the things you enjoy, be able to commit to things you actually want to support on your own terms, and, even though they may not admit it, gain more respect from others. This is a journey to reclaiming your life and setting yourself up for success. Tune out the noise of the “needs” and “emergencies” of those around you—don’t tune me out though because I’m trying to help lol—and focus on what’s most important: you. And you matter just as much as everyone else!