The Buck Doesn’t Stop at 25

(Disclaimer - this is a long post, but I also know y'all got nothing but time now lol)

As I was blessed to see the milestone of 25 years of life last Friday, I reminisced on how far I’d come. The challenges I’ve faced, the impacts I’ve had, my shortcomings, my career, and the trajectory my future is on have all been essential in my growth to this point. It has not been easy. “Say it louder for the people in the back!!” said my audience. IT. HAS. NOT. BEEN. EASY. Hooookay?! But we thank God for seeing this year because many didn’t have the same opportunity.

So what has changed for me? What has contributed to the growth I’ve seen to become the person I am today? Well, I thought that instead of providing an autobiography of my life story, in honor of this being my quarter-century milestone, I would give you all the top 25 most impactful lessons that I have learned thus far. These are teachings that I gained through experiences, trials, and challenges that have tested my character, morals, values, and so much more. I hope these help you determine how you can make some strategic and wise moves now to avoid the same trouble I had to endure to get to where I am now. Let’s get started:

1. If you don’t commit something into God’s hands, it will not be successful. The Lord determines your footsteps, and He will lead you down the right path if you allow Him to.
2. When people show you who they really are, TAKE NOTE! The moments don’t always present themselves, but all it takes is the right situation for people to show their true colors, and you should take that opportunity to watch and learn.
3. Other people can not control your life; so take ownership of it. We give people too much power over our lives for different reasons, and then we wonder why we aren’t happy - take charge of your life.
4. Hurt people hurt people. If you haven’t addressed the pain within you, you will ultimately find yourself causing harm to others in some way and to some degree.
5. Cherish the time you have with loved ones because tomorrow is not promised. We are all guilty of taking time with our loved ones for granted, and given all that has been going on with coronavirus and the deaths of well-known celebrities, I think it’s time we change the narrative.
6. You should not enter into a relationship to feel complete. If you are not content being single, or happy with being on your own, then you will find yourself needing your partner more than you should when they are supposed to be adding onto your life - not filling a void in it.
7. Other people can not place a value on you. You were uniquely and wonderfully made to be you, and that in itself means you have a high value - don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
8. You will not be the best in everything you do. We all eventually have to swallow our pride (especially my Africans out there) and realize we won’t be the best in everything we do - the sooner we realize that, the more trouble we can save ourselves in the future.
9. Failure is only a bad thing if you don’t learn from it. I have adopted the mindset that when I walk away from a challenge, I never lose - either I win or I learn.
10. The only way to move forward from past hurt and pain is to admit that you feel some type of way about it, address it as directly as possible and forgive the person who was the cause of it for your own sake. If you have not addressed the pain, or traumatic events, of your past, it will continue to eat away at your happiness in the future and affect other areas of your life; so admit to yourself that the past event affected you and start working to overcome it.
11. Your past does not determine your future - you do. Following my last point, your circumstances do not have to determine how your life pans out; so if you are intentional about shaping a better future for yourself, you can make it happen.
12. Vengeance in any form will never bring you peace. Vengeance is like a boomerang; while it flies in the direction it is thrown, it returns even faster (I tried to sound deep lol but basically vengeance will set you on a destructive path that won’t make you feel any better - trust me).
13. Your past should not be an excuse to mistreat others, or a justification for others to overlook any negative behaviors you exhibit. Whether it was losing a loved one, not being shown enough love and affection growing up, or never being acknowledged by your peers, you have the choice to change your future to make it an improvement from your past.
14. You will always make time for the things you care about. No matter how busy you are, or how much you have going on, you will make time for it - period(t).
15. Do unto others what you would like others to do unto you, because karma is real. How can you expect to be treated fairly, justly, and respectfully, if you don’t do the same to others?
16. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy. The things in life that are worth putting in the work, effort, and commitment into will not come as easily as we’d hope - if it does, then you must be settling.
17. Hard work does pay off. You may not see it as soon as you’d like, or in the time frame you’d expect, but trust and believe that it will pay off in the long run in more ways than one.
18. No one can replace your family. Not your friends; not your coworkers; not your partners; not your fake siblings; and not your besties.
19. Be grateful for what you have because it can just as easily be taken away. We all forget where we were when we didn’t have what we do now; so make sure you take the same time you are using to ask for more to give thanks for what you’ve been given.
20. Make sure you surround yourself with people who will build you up and not tear you down. The best way to cripple your progress, potential growth, upcoming successes, and future triumphs is to surround yourselves with people posing to be for you when they really don’t want to see you win - best check your circles and figure out who they are ASAP.
21. As much as we fear getting our heartbroken, we will never be able to fully commit to a relationship, and contribute to its growth until we put our guards down to let someone in. I know being hurt sucks, and that you may have gone through this road many times, but the person coming in your future isn’t a person from your past and like I said before - nothing worthwhile comes easy.
22. Discipline in one area translates into discipline in other areas, and vice versa for the lack of it. If you find yourself lacking in self-control in certain areas of your life, chances are you will find it difficult to have control over other areas as well; so that means practicing discipline in one or more areas of your life can translate into having more discipline in others.
23. You won’t grow in life without being uncomfortable. That means that you won’t see significant changes in your life without taking risks, or doing things out of your comfort zone, because discomfort is where growth happens.
24. Your true custom-made partner will accept who you are - past and all. You won’t have to compromise who you are for the one that is meant for you, nor will you have to be ashamed about anything in your past; they will want you for every part of you - broken pieces and all.
25. If you find yourself putting up a front, or acting a certain way, to be accepted by certain people, they are not your real friends. Real friends will call you out for acting out of character, and are obviously your friends because they like who you are; so take a minute to evaluate who you’re calling a friend when they’re really just an associate.

Even if none of the above lessons pertain to you now, or relate to the season of life you are in, use this as an opportunity to learn from my past. I want to help you avoid enduring the same strife I had to deal with to come out on top, and potentially help you shape a better path for yourself. Granted, those experiences and lessons made me a better person, and helped me attain wisdom along the way. But being wise also means making sound judgement based on the knowledge you have acquired. I know I still have a long life (God-willing) to go, and more to learn, but I’d say these past 25 years have been pretty good preparation for what’s to come. And I’m here for it! But what about you - are you gonna be ready for what life has in store for you?