An Insecure Mindset Leads to an Unsecure Future: The Real (Part 2)

     I've been thinking of the different ways to go about this, since insecurity is such a big topic. So I think I'll start with the physical sense, since its what a significant amount of people have insecurities about, or where most of them begin. Our bodies are our own. We all have unique bodies in the sense that it belongs to us, and there is no other body like ours.
    
     Now, in society, certain "preferred" bodies are projected on the media we see everyday, and it becomes ingrained in our minds that if you don't have a certain body type, then its not attractive. Then, we go everyday thinking that something is wrong with us or we come short of others because they have something we don't. We go through our lives thinking that we are somehow less attractive than a person who has those features we "need" because society said so. But who says everyone likes the same thing? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Like I said in my last post, the only person who can say you're not attractive is you, and you will only say it when you believe that other people's opinions matter over your own. And it goes even deeper than that. Maybe someone was never told when they were young that they were attractive. That plays a critical part in a person's life because if they are never told they were fine as they are, it makes it that much easier to succumb to society's views. That is not meant to say that we need confirmation from other people to know we are beautiful individuals, but that is merely just reinforcement, If your parents never told you what a handsome or beautiful person you were growing up,or see that they themselves are attractive in their own way, one may never know they themselves to be attractive, and that its not defined by what they see in the media. Maybe an individual had feelings for another person that weren't reciprocated sometime in their lives and it was due to lack of attraction, Some people believe they are unattractive because of the words of someone they cared for. Those words hurt the most and the scar they leave is pretty deep. Maybe we have a friend who seems to get more attention because others say they have specific features you don't. In women, it may be a bigger chest, butt, or even longer legs. In men, it could be a more muscular body, having more height, or having specific face features. Regardless of what it is, sometimes we take note of these things and lose confidence in what we have. Even if we'd been told we were attractive, hearing enough times that people want certain things can be disheartening and affect our self-esteem. I used to have that problem in high school, hearing girls talk about guys who had specific features I didn't necessarily have and losing confidence in my own looks. I even made the mistake of trying to change my own look to match others just to get the same attention.This mindset began to grow and impact the type of person I was. I was losing confidence in myself and didn't want people to see the real me. But what I failed to realize was that as I was doing these things, I was taking away from the person I was, covering the gifts I was given that made me an individual, and trying to be something I wasn't.

     I give these scenarios to say that every single person has a story and reason for their insecurities. I could spend all day listing different situations, but that would take forever. The point is, you can't look at someone and assume you know the reason for their insecurities. Even outside of the field of physicality, the same applies to character, and mindsets. The most attractive person to most people could be extremely insecure about their thoughts and contributions. Some people are scared to share their opinion or to think their own way because they think other people will outcast them for seeing a view other than their own. This is a real situation I have experienced for myself, and I know it can be tough. Others don't believe they are smart enough or knowledgeable enough in a topic to give their point of view. They decide to just agree with the majority rather than bring attention to themselves. They change themselves and merge with society, losing their individuality. But how can you tell that they deal with these kinds of issues from the outside?It's funny this same society we live in tries to promote individuality but tries to ingrain in our minds what our standards should be. Everyone has a story and reason for who they are, and what they deal with. It may be hard to understand, but it is true. That is why we should take care to watch the things we do and say, because we never know how it may affect others. Maybe we should try not to say things that make people feel like outcasts because you don't know what people may or may not have. A guy talking about how he loves girl with a specific hairstyle, texture, or look, can make some women insecure about their own hair. A women discussing how she prefers guys with a bigger build could make some males insecure if they're slimmer. Everyone isn't so open about their business that they will tell people what led to their insecurity or what their insecurity is. That is why its best to understand not to look at insecurities from the broad sense, or what's on the outside, but more of the true roots of them, deeper than the stories of their lives. The root of insecurities usually deal with:

• Mentality: Am I attractive? Is that determined by what others think or what I think? Do I believe there is a set standard for how I should think, look, or act?
• Self-Esteem: How easily is my opinion swayed by what others say? Do I like myself and who I am? Do I need to change things about myself?
• Confidence: Do I accept who I am and believe I am a great person? Do I think others are better than me and does that reduce the confidence I have in myself?
• Support: Is all I hear the things wrong with me, and never the good? Do people stand behind me being an individual?
• Society: What is accepted? What do people want or favor where I am? What is the norm?

     No matter what their insecurity may be, people deal with it on a daily basis and its not something that will just go away with time. They usually revolve around the same thing at the base, and to get over it, the root of the problem has to be addressed. So, I want to help you walk through that as well. I touched the surface of it in my first post, but I want to dig a little deeper in how to really address insecurity and overcome it. So keep a look out for my next post coming soon about dealing with this issue.