At one point or another, we will have a friend who is going through a difficult situation in life. It could be the loss of a loved one, missing out on a job opportunity or promotion, experiencing a breakup or divorce, relationship challenges or something else. It can be challenging because you aren’t sure the best approach to help them through these situations or how you can be supportive without being overbearing. I don’t think there is one solution (besides God) to how you can help a friend when they experience a difficulty in life but I do think the effort you put in and the actions you take can have a positive effect. It may not solve their problems, but it can do them some good as they work to overcome the situation they find themselves in.
So, how can you help? There are many ways to do so but here are a couple you could try first:
Pray for Them!
“Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) Generally, this should be your immediate response in any situation but praying is always the best thing you can do for someone in need. You can’t go wrong with prayer because God is the only one that truly knows what they need and how to heal, comfort and support them. You may not know the inner workings of the situation but God always will. There could be something deeper that needs to be addressed, or a special manner in which this wound needs to be mended; either way, God knows best and there is nothing He can’t do. Even if they aren’t willing to accept any other methods I suggest, this action is foolproof and is a great place to start.
Check in on Them!
In addition to prayer, the very least you can do is reach out to your friend and see how they’re holding up. This will show them that you not only care, but that their wellbeing also matters to you. Let them know you’re there if they need anything or if they just want a listening ear. You should aim to make sure they’re alright (to some degree), see how they’re managing the situation and understand how you could possibly fill a need for them. You don’t have to pry into what they’re facing upfront. I mean, you could throw some open-ended questions here or there but if they don’t really want to discuss it, then find other things to talk about. They could open up in time but your focus should be checking on them as often as you can.
Encourage Them!
Whether they seem especially down and/or not as talkative, or seem to be carrying on with their lives as usual, an encouraging message can go a long way. You could send them some uplifting quotes and texts; provide them with some helpful resources focused on what they’re going through; and even share some Bible verses and sermons. You want to maintain a positive posture and give them reassurance when possible. Some advice could be helpful as well, especially if you have experienced a similar circumstance in your own life. Being consistent in these actions reminds them that they’re not in it alone, that there’s light at the end of the tunnel and that they will get through this.
Visit Them!
If you are able to, stopping by to see them can really be a game changer. Your presence itself can make a huge difference, even if they’re not talking much in person. The physical manifestation of what you have been doing so far just hits different when the person can see you’re there for them. But also understand that everyone responds to this differently. Some people may greet you at the door and not even let you in because they really don’t want company. Some people may not even answer (which, in some cases, if they’re all alone, you should keep persisting to make sure they’re actually okay, or, in extreme cases, do a wellness check). Despite how they respond, the fact you went to see them will mean the world.
Treat Them!
It could be their favorite meal, a massage or spa day, a gift they’d enjoy or, if you got it like that, an all expenses paid trip. You should know your friend and what they would like, as well as things that would make them smile. Now, like I mentioned above, everyone will respond to this differently and you may not get the response you want, but the effort and intention is what counts. This may even take some trial and error to see what they’re receptive to but the gesture will be appreciated. And when I say appreciated, it may not be them beaming with joy or thanking you like crazy—appreciated can just be that they accepted it. But overall, this is another significant gesture that will help them feel loved in their time of need.
Now, I do want to emphasize a few things:
- They may not be as receptive to the things you say at first and may be pushing you away but don’t be offended. Everyone has a different response to help from a friend.
- Understand that just because you offer support doesn’t mean they will take it. You don’t truly understand how they’re feeling, what they’re going through and how it’s affecting them. So, you need to give them some grace.
- This whole process will take time. In a best-case scenario, you start seeing them improve and have a more positive vibe after a few days or a week. But, in some cases, it can take weeks, to months, to even a year. Be patient.
- The keys in all of this are reassurance, consistency and intentional effort. Don’t let your friend fall into the mindset that all hope is lost and that things will never get better. Our God is alive and active, and will see them through this situation!
Facing challenging circumstances is unfortunately a normal part of life. As much as we may not like it, we will all go through them at some point. Just remember that the challenges we face are meant to build us up; not tear us down. It’s not easy seeing a friend going through it and feeling like there’s nothing you can do. But I’ll tell you like you should be telling them—don’t give up. Look out for them to the best of your abilities—that is enough. And leave the rest to God. He will handle the rest.
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