Wednesday, June 1, 2022

No One Has Forever

We all have loved ones - family, friends, partners, the list goes on. And I’m sure we believe that they all know we love and care about them very much. But how do we know for sure? How do we show that? How do we remind those we care about that they matter to us and that we truly cherish them? Surely, it doesn’t require doing something every moment of their lives to make sure it stays fresh in their minds. And it shouldn’t. However, throughout this season of the pandemic, it has become abundantly clear that the time we have left with them is limited. So, it becomes our duty and responsibility to ensure we use the time we do have to show those we love how much they mean to us. And the crazy thing is that as much as we remind ourselves of this fact and see people losing loved ones a bit more often than we’d like, we still don’t take it seriously. Hence, the motivation behind this post – to list reasons why we should make time for those we care about while they are still here with us.

Love is an Action - So You Have to Do it to Show It
Although many of us understand love to be a feeling, it is also most definitely an action – meaning, you can’t just assume someone knows you love them without showing it continuously. You usually hear this expressed in relationships but the same goes for those we care for as well. We are all guilty of not showing it enough but regret it the moment something happens to someone close to us, or worse, we lose them. That means it’s your job to look for ways to show love to those special individuals in your life; that way, they will never have to question your love for them. And it doesn’t have to be something extravagant – small gestures like surprising them with a visit, sending them food, or even spending the day with them are all great ways that really don’t take much effort. But overall, in my opinion, actions always speak louder than words.

Words Make Things Even Easier

But, when you can’t do something for them, words can make a difference, too. It may feel or sound repetitive to do, but your words will carry significant weight. Now, I don’t saying it just because and not meaning it. In our relationships of all kinds, we may think it’s pointless to say “I love you” to someone like a sibling, partner, extended family, friends or even your parents because these are people that are around you all the time. You’d actually be surprised how much people don’t say it. Shoot, I’m even thinking now when last I told my family I love them; so, trust me, I’m talking to myself, too. And you may even be doing the step above of showing them your love. But verbally telling someone that you love them goes a long way as well and is a nice compliment to your actions. Words are a great substitute when you aren’t able to actually do something physically with or for the person. And I’d opt for a phone or video call to express it – it has more significance that way.

Memories Last a Lifetime

Now, when we talk about the action of love, if you take the time to actually do something to show those you care about you love them, you create lasting memories. Those memories are what live on well past the time the person passes on. It also serves as a great way to help them leave this world in a much happier and more peaceful way, knowing that they were shown so much love during their lifetime. To you, taking those actions may not seem that significant, or that necessary when you are constantly bombarded by the demands and responsibilities of life, but that is exactly what leads to the increasing amount of regret people seem to experience these days. I’ve heard one too many times how people wish they could have done this and wish they could have done that, and yet, while they still have loved ones around them, they do nothing. Get out there and make some memories you can hold in your heart.

The Efforts Will Go a Long Way

You’d be surprised how good you will feel when you make the effort to express love to those you are close to, and you’d be shocked at the impact it can have in the long run. Not only is it a positive thing to do, but it also means a great deal to the person on the receiving end. Think about it – we live in a time where people find it sufficient to send an “I love you” text and go about their day. We have become crippled by the convenience that technology has given us. Don’t get me wrong – technology is an amazing tool that has helped us accomplish some amazing things and bridge numerous gaps. However, it has also caused some people to get, for lack of a better term, lazy. That is why the effort makes a huge difference. Effort can be something as simple as telling someone you love them consistently throughout the week, or even making plans to do something with or for them at least once a month. And if you plan ahead of time, you can avoid the need for excuses if you don’t do anything.

It Improves Their Mood and Wellbeing

I haven’t even begun to talk about the amazing health benefits of expressing love. When you show someone you love them – verbally or by action (but personally, as I stated above, I always believe action speak louder than words) – you are helping improve their mood, reduce their stress, balance the chaos of their life, receive positive energy, invigorate and energize their spirit, and give them assurance (“lifetime insurance” (IFKYK)). Your expression of love is something they will treasure and it will serve as a reminder on days when they may not be feeling the best. Feelings can fluctuate pretty easily, and you never know what someone at the time may be going through – so, your love may be the timely uplifting they needed. And hey, happier people tend to live longer than others. And how do you help keep a person happy? Show them love. It’s that simple.

Less Regret Later

Now, let’s talk about regret. One definition of regret reads the feeling of being sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has been done, especially a loss of missed opportunity. Another source defines it as a feeling of sadness about something sad or wrong, or about a mistake that you have made, and a wish that it could have been different and better. I think the first ties more with those who felt like they could have done something to avoid losing the person they loved. I think the second fits a lot better here with those of us who make the mistake of not taking advantage of the time we have now with those we love. And then the second part, our wish that we could have done things differently. The truth is, we won’t understand the true depth of regret until we actually lose someone and think back on all the times we could have done something to show we love them. It’s worse when we think they may not have known we actually loved them because we didn’t do enough or say it enough. Don’t let that be you. Are the reasons you’re giving for not being able to do anything legitimate hindrances or excuses you’re hiding behind? You don’t need to justify it to me, but you won’t always have the chance to justify it to them either.

Once They’re Gone, They’re Gone

Because at the end of the day, once they are gone, that is unfortunately it. You will have lost your opportunity to make use of the time you had with them to express that love. Then you will be faced with the regret and shame that you could have done something if you had only made the time to do it. And I am not saying this to undermine verbally expressing love but that can’t be the only way you do it. There’s a reason why the saying goes, “You make time for the things you love” – that pertains to people as well. They live far away? Video call them. You never get to see them? Order them something they like. Your schedule is too packed? Schedule something on your calendar ahead of time for them. If you really try to make the effort, I am sure you can figure something out, the same way we do in other areas of our lives, especially the workplace. Because again, once they are gone, they are gone.

Now, I do want to clarify that I am not just talking about the sick and elderly. Old age and illnesses are not the only ways people die. I unfortunately lost my cousin in Nigeria while I was writing this, and he passed away on his birthday. That was unfortunately, yet another reminder that life is too short, and pushed me to finish this blog post. People can be taken away in a heartbeat and then what will we have to say? Don’t be another person wishing they could’ve moved mountains but didn’t when they had the chance. I implore and encourage you to take my words to heart. God places people in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime – but you’ll never know which it is for a person. Don’t take the opportunities you have, and can make, for granted. Love is a powerful thing. Let’s make use of it while we still can and use it the way for which it was intended. You may not necessarily save their life, but you can make a person’s life worthwhile. 

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