What exactly do you think makes you a man? Are your actions and lifestyle reflective of those ideals? As men, we are all guilty of falling prey to stereotypes at some point in our lives, where we believed our actions were representative of what it meant to be a man. Whether that was reinforced by the hype and encouragement from our boys or the society that we live in, that didn’t always mean we were right. Coming to terms with the truth is tough and for some, it’s not a case of learning the truth, but accepting it. To my surprise, my view of the misconceptions guys have of what it takes to be a man overlapped significantly with the input from women. So take these words with a grain of salt. To my fellas, don’t take this post as me calling you out because I, as a man, have things I have to improve as well. Rather, take this post as a way to help you better yourself in areas you may be lacking in or with which you may have the wrong idea. It will make a difference in the long run.
What then doesn’t make a man?
So you wanna be diesel? This is probably one of the more simple aspects to explain. Physical build definitely doesn’t make you a man. Doesn’t matter how much you can bench with your fingers, how many muscles you have on top of your biceps, or how many blood vessels it looks like you’re about to pop. Having a muscular body doesn’t contribute to being a man. Despite some women taking a liking to this, it is probably nothing more than physical attraction.
Me? Too aggressive? If you think having a lot of power and being aggressive is what makes you a man, you’re wrong again. If you think that this will help you get a woman or keep them, I can go ahead and share some of the Weeknd’s albums with you, because you’ll probably need them soon. In a time where women are being oppressed in numerous ways from trauma they may have received from events like a bad father or uncle, being mistreated by past exes, or God forbid, something worse, you need to be careful about how you come off to them. You hear the stories all the time of the kinds of things women go through and how little help they receive. There is a difference between having drive and ambition, and being overly aggressive and power hungry. A man can maintain power and handle it maturely. A man knows how to use his aggressive nature for the right situations and doesn’t abuse it. So if you’ve been doing the opposite, consider this a wake-up call.
Got your weight up? Increasing your body count may be cool with your boys, but the second you brag about something like this to a woman, your chances and credibility have disappeared. This might actually be one of the things women tell me they have the biggest problem with when it comes to men. They want to feel special, appreciated, and do not want to be another story you tell to your friends. When it comes to your image, this isn’t always viewed in a positive light. It doesn’t matter how many bodies you have - the title of a man is something earned through the right actions and mindset, not by going through a woman.
Emotions constitute softness. There’s nothing wrong with having feelings. We were all born with them. But somehow, it has become frowned upon for a man to display his, leading to the belief that showing emotion makes you soft. I find this both amusing and ridiculous because this means that by having a heart, you are automatically considered soft. Are you telling me if, God forbid, my mom passed away and I cried, that I’m not a man? To all my fellas that agree with this notion, are you saying you wouldn’t cry? I believe that it is a case of insecurity when a man is uncomfortable with expressing his emotions and feels he must always retain an image of being “hard”. It takes a secure man to know there is nothing emasculating about having and/or expressing their feelings, and not fall prey to these false stereotypes people hold. If you think being hard and heartless somehow makes you a man, you have a lot of challenges to come. Men are human beings - not soulless creatures.
Once you get a women, the work is over. I thought I would throw this in because it seems to be another stereotype that guys follow (and women, too). To all those in a relationship or seeking one, keep in mind that all the effort you are showing and presented in the beginning is what your partner expects in the relationship. If you want a happy relationship, you need to put in just as much work and effort as you were in the beginning. Your methodology may change, and you may channel that energy you put into pursuing that person into other areas of the relationship, but that effort still needs to be present so they feel loved and appreciated.
Bands will make her dance? Money doesn’t buy happiness. One of the most cliché statements, but also one of the realest. In addition to that, having a large amount of money and/or net worth, does not translate to the making a man. Sure it means you’re financially stable, but how does that make you a man? You could be a millionaire and still be an immature boy (shout out to Donald Trump - just kidding, he may try and find me). Having money just means riches - that’s it. It doesn’t contribute to your character or improve your personality. This also leads to another belief that seems very prevalent in society today, especially in relationships - that if a man doesn’t make more than a woman, he’s less of a man. They believe they always have to make more than the woman. In most cases, it’s either a situation where ego his or pride is getting hurt. Traditionally yes, men are meant to be the providers. But if a woman is also bringing a lot to the table, everyone’s still eating fam! Things don’t always work out the way you want and maybe you aren’t where you want to be. Life happens. But don’t think for a second that somehow makes you less than a man. In a job market where people can barely find work, we’re lucky to even have jobs. If you want to earn more, then you will just have to put in more work. Remember though, as I said before, making more money does not make you more of a man. Now, if you’re simply not trying to do better, then that’s what makes you less than a man. I don’t know about you all, but I tell people all the time my dream is to become a stay at home dad. Now that doesn’t mean I won’t be working - I could be teleworking - but if I ended up making less than my wife in the future as a result, I can live with that. Don’t get so caught up in titles and how much you are making compared to others, especially compared to women. Life’s too short for all that.
One last thing I want to mention is that you should always remember that you are setting an example for the younger ones behind us. Even though you may not be aware of it or they may not tell you, there are countless young men and women looking up to you as a leader. For those of you with younger brothers, you should already know they are looking at you for direction on how to act and conduct themselves. So always keep in mind the impression you are leaving on the youth of what is right and wrong.
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