Battle of the Sexes: Part 1 - "What a Man, What a Mighty Good Man"

So you think you know what makes a man? You believe you can think like them and know what goes on in their heads? What's your justification? Is it personal experience? Is it what your friends have gone through? Is it what you read online, saw in a movie, or heard on the radio? Well, similar to how difficult it can be to understand the complexity of a woman, there is more to a man than meets the eye. There are a significant amount of supposed facts I hear from my female friends and women in my life about men, and more often times than not, it's usually wrong. I feel that the view of men being "dogs" and "good-for-nothing" tends to take precedence over the truth about them. That's not to say that there aren't a good amount of them that promote this stereotype, which makes it hard for women to think otherwise, but a few off colors in a painting shouldn't take away from its beauty. Don't let those guys ruin your perception of men.

Then what is the truth about men?

All men are not the same.  I find myself repeating this over and over again. I understand that you may come from a long list of bad experiences with men and that it may be hard to break this mindset, but no matter how hard it is to believe it, every man is different. This is the same issue people like African-Americans and Muslims face; people generalize them because of a few of their members. Guys do the same thing sometimes, but we’re not roasting the fellas right now. If you can't accept this, you'll never fully understand and accept men.

Men have feelings, too. The stereotype is that men don't have emotions. In some cases, that may be true. However, just like every other human being, men were born with feelings and they are prominent throughout their  lives (and I don’t just mean the Drakes and the light skinned ones). They may not show it or may have trouble expressing it because society tries to push the notion that it is a sign of weakness. That doesn't mean they don't have any. So, we actually do like compliments just as much as the next person, and certain things you say do get to us. We do like to be appreciated for the things we do and reciprocate the love you show to us. It could also be the case that they will only show it to the right person, or people, they feel is deserving of it. Everyone is different and you never know a person's story or reason for acting a certain way.

If we want you, you will know. I really can’t break it down anymore than that. Guys tend to be pretty direct about their intentions and desires. So if it's a case where a guy isn't showing you the attention you want or isn't reciprocating the same feelings you are evoking, chances are he isn't as interested as you want him to be.

We don't just want your body. Despite that being the opposite of what we learn in the environment we live in, where some men prioritize body counts over actual love for a woman, men want all of a woman. If you find yourself in a situation where he wants something like a one night stand, then yes, he does just want your body. A guy will lie and bs with a woman he doesn't really have an interest in. Differentiating the men who want you for you and the guys who have short-term intentions will be something you learn to do along the way, and with time, you'll get better at picking the right ones.

We will only invest time in something we think is worth it. To a man, something is most precious when you have to put in the work for it. This means we will work hard for a woman who presents a challenge. If a guy can get a girl pretty easily, chances are that guy won't look for more than physical relations; though, that may not always be the case, such as in situations of mutual attraction. We need someone who will push us to improve ourselves. However, that doesn't mean make it impossible. There's a difference between having standards or being reserved, and doing the most. But that's a discussion for another time.

We can't read your minds. I hear women say a lot that they wish that a man will just know what they want and understand them without having to spell things out to them. Understanding women can be harder than earning a PhD (but actually). So every bit of help is greatly appreciated. There is a point when a man should just know most things without you having to say it, but that takes time and communication first. Guys can be pretty simple, so we need things broken down to us at times so that in the future it comes naturally.

Those who fear commitment fear it because of outcomes they can't determine or predict. We don't know how things will work out. That's just life. Why do you think we like sports so much? In a world where ratios are more likely than not to be in favor of men, when men see that they have so much available to them, they are less likely to just settle for one woman. So usually it takes a big push to commit and be happy. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's a mindset we, as men, have to break — all that glitters is not gold. Some of us have to ask ourselves what all the physical satisfaction we can receive will mean at the end of the day?  Proverbs 18:22 reads, "He who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." This quote may seem a bit extreme to some people, but it holds value. If a guy is to commit, he wants it to be something substantial and secure.

If a guy says you resemble his mom, that might be the biggest compliment he gives you. Even though this seems silly, or even redundant to mention, I've met many women who think this is offensive or weird. To a man, his mom is the most beautiful, intelligent, kind, loving, and overall, most phenomenal person in the entire world. If he's telling you that you remind him of her, that's not meant to be taken in a bad way (like if, God forbid, you don't think she's attractive (savage)). You must be a pretty special person to be told that. Of course, this piece pertains to the men that describe their mom in a positive light because everyone doesn’t always have a favorable parent situation. If his mom isn’t a person he favors or looks up to then — I don’t know what you’re doing wrong fam. However, keep in mind that this is also to a certain extent. If the guy happens to be a “mama’s boy” and is on the same craze Terrence J was on in Think Like a Man, then that might be a little weird.

I'd say these were the top misconceptions I've heard, but that doesn't mean there aren't others. These are pretty major and if they are understood and internalized, you will gain a better understanding of men. Not only that, you can realize a lot sooner if you are wasting your time with a guy or not, which may be one of the reasons why women begin to see men in a more negative light (#WasteHerTime2016). It's best not to have misconceptions about men or else it will dictate how you treat and view them. If you want to understand a man, and I mean an actual man, internalize my words and venture into the world with an unbiased view. We've always been told don't believe everything we hear and not to judge a book by its cover. As cliché as these sayings may be, they hold a great deal of truth. If you want men to understand you, you have to meet them halfway, and do the same for them. And hey, its Summer '16. I couldn't think of a better time to start.