A Time to Love and A Lifetime to Keep it Going

We talk about self-love all the time but don't really understand what it truly means. If we did, we wouldn't take it so lightly and would give it the respect it warrants. To love oneself, honestly, wholeheartedly and unconditionally sets the tone for the rest of your life. It will determine the type of people you surround yourself with, how you interact with them, how much of yourself you share with them, the authenticity of the relationships you make, and how you carry yourself. This means your love for yourself or lack thereof dictates your future; so you should treat it as such. Because if you don't love yourself, it can and will manifest in different areas of your life in a negative way.

Self-love is one of those topics that seem so simple but can also be very complex. It's simple in the sense that it is all about loving and prioritizing yourself, and your best interests. It's complex in the sense that many of us don't really know how to or what it truly means to love ourselves. Both sides are completely understandable - everyone’s life has panned out differently. But that’s why we’re here - to establish what self-love looks like and how to practice it in your life.

Before I run the risk of undermining where some people may be in their lives, let me make it clear that this is not the easiest task for many people. Some of us have experienced heartbreak in the past, were convinced that we don't have value, had our confidence beaten to the point of no return, and just overall been put in a place where reading this feels like I'm throwing salt in the wound. I am not - my desire is to guide you on the road to recovery. For those who haven't experienced this kind of thing, my hope is that this helps you figure out what degree of self-love you have and ensure it doesn't waver.

Now, what does self-love look like and how can we practice it in our lives?

Self-love is:

• Not allowing different areas of your life to suffer (such as your education, job, relationships, etc.) because something goes wrong
• Not settling (whether it's in a relationship, a career, a leadership role, etc.)
• Not feeling inadequate for not being where you thought you'd be in life
• Not placing a value on yourself based on the opinions of others
• Not repeating toxic behaviors that serve as a detriment to you
• Not being used by others for their personal gain
• Not undermining your accomplishments
• Not speaking negatively about yourself
• Not allowing others to steal your joy
• Not projecting on other people

We can practice self-love in our lives by:

• Understanding that even if you don't truly and fully love yourself yet, you will eventually if you continuously tell yourself why you’re such an incredible person - it just takes time and real effort (start by making a list of all your qualities, skills, talents, characteristics, etc. and go from there)
• Minimizing the weight of the things we do wrong and maximizing the credit for the things we do right
• Reminding ourselves of the value we add in life (whether it’s for others or the world overall)
• Treating ourselves whenever we can (it could be as simple or as extravagant as you'd like)
• Working on solidifying ourselves before opening up and pouring into others
• Practicing self-affirmations everyday (at least in the morning and night)
• Empowering ourselves to strive for more in life because we deserve it
• Finding the silver lining when things don't go our way or when we fail
• Making our happiness a priority
• Believing we are worth it

I can not stress enough how much of an impact self-love has on the overall quality of your life. I have had times when I lacked self-love and allowed others to determine my value, and it was a very dark place to be in. But when I learned what it meant to love myself unconditionally, my outlook on life changed in an amazing, drastic and positive way, and the same can happen for you.

You may be thinking that this doesn't apply to you but this topic relates to everyone. I’m sure we have all had stages in our lives when our self-love was in low supply. Have you ever experienced feelings of inadequacy? How much of an impact has the opinion of others had on you? Have you had low points and not understood why? Has the value you place on social media ever reached an unhealthy level? Have you only felt content with yourself when your partner, family or friends showed you love? I could keep going but I’m sure at least one of these questions resonate with you. My point here is to emphasize the importance of self-love and why it should matter to everyone. It’s 2020 people; don’t you think it’s about time we started being a little more honest with ourselves and taking this a little more serious?