The Company You Keep

We all have people in our lives that we hold close to our hearts. We call some of them friends, some of them besties, and some we even call family. Eventually, these individuals begin fulfilling some role(s) in our lives- going out with us, tagging along on trips, imparting wisdom when needed, accompanying us to whack events, etc. Regardless of the reason, these are people we have chosen to keep around. We are so used to them that we probably don’t notice how they could be influencing our own lives. It’s crazy to think, right? They already accepted us for who we are; so why would we try to change ourselves? That’s just it; we don’t- at least, not intentionally. We may not realize it but their presence alone does more than we give it credit.

Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” The idea is that these are people who regularly expose you to their behaviors and personalities. As a result, whether it’s consciously or unconsciously, your mind takes note of these things, and begins to adapt to them to “fit in.” It’s a bit startling to think that we could change without even wanting to, and even scarier to comprehend the level of impact it can have on our lives. Simply put, your friends have more influence on you than you realize. Now that doesn’t mean they will change you completely, but you will see a shift in certain areas of your life as time goes on.

For this reason, you have to be extremely scrupulous with who you decide to surround yourself with and allow into your lives. Your squad’s composition is of the utmost importance when it pertains to the direction you want your life to go. They could legitimately determine your success or failure, no cap. And if you’re still not convinced about the power those close to you can have on your life, understand that friends determine:

The Context of Your Conversations

When you are hanging out with them, your conversations tend to center on topics in which you share commonalities, or you all mutually enjoy. But that may not always be the case. If they tend to focus on a particular subject that you may not be that fond of, majority rule usually factors in and that topic begins to dominate the discussion. So what happens if they’re discussing things that don’t sit well with you? Or they encourage things that go against your beliefs? These should not be taken lightly because being around them long enough could cause an internal conflict within you that may lead you to actions you typically wouldn’t carry out or condone.

How You Spend Your Time

If these are people you spend the most time with, you all must like doing similar things, right? For the most part, yes. But is there a cap on how much time you invest in those activities? For example, if they like going to happy hours, does this happen every week? Does it take up most of your weekend? Does it just stop at a happy hour? Time flies when you’re having fun, but how much of your life is being invested in those things that may not be the most productive use of your time? You may find yourself eventually starting to suggest those activities even when they don’t, or when they’re not around. Time is one our most prized possessions so how we use it is crucial. I’m not saying not to have fun doing things that relax you; I’m saying be mindful of how much time you spend working hard versus playing hard.

Your Drive and Ambition

Listen closely. If you are aiming for great heights in your life and are not surrounding yourself with people that will help guide, motivate and push you to get there, then those people are inhibiting your success. I now understand better than ever why people leave certain communities or circles- the people in them couldn’t think outside of their individual situations and became too comfortable where they were. They weren’t forward thinkers of what they could achieve but were in a sense, mental slaves to their current circumstances because they became complacent. Never let that be your portion because if you believe you are destined to break ceilings and never settle for less, you need like-minded people around you who believe the same things. So think about how the people on your team could be affecting your goals.

The Way You Think

Your mindset will begin to coincide with the mentality of those around you when you spend enough time with them because that is what you are feeding it. It naturally adapts to the environment you are in, and will act accordingly. To my believers, think about how being around non-believers can affect your morals, values and desires in life. That is why the Bible emphasizes being equally yoked to a partner - they are the person you will end up spending the most time with and therefore, it is important they are someone who will continue pushing you on a righteous path. Your mind is an important place that must be guarded because it is where your beliefs are formed. As Gandhi said, “Your beliefs become thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits.”

The Things You Value Most

“Your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” Your values are what you are vesting your life into because they ultimately determine who you are and what you care about. For example, if you value family, you cherish your own and it becomes a factor in how you choose your future partner. Values are at our core- we adopt them pretty early on in life and they shape us moving forward. But our values can also become skewed if we are surrounded by people who don’t share them. If we don’t have a firm grip on our own values, then we may end up adopting the values of those around us. That means you have to think about what matters most to you, and determine what influences will and will not support them in the future.

I probably should have prefaced with this but I am not saying all of your friends are trash or that you have to cut them all off. But if reading this post got you thinking about certain people in your squad, then I mean, if the shoe fits… I just want to see you win, and I want you to desire the same thing. We use the word “friend,” bestie,” and “fam” so loosely these days to the point that the lines are blurred on who’s real and who isn't.

If you want to progress in life, you’re going to have to figure out who’s who. It can be heartbreaking to think that someone you’ve held so close and/or have known for so long may be someone you have to cut off, but that’s (unfortunately) a part of life. One of my favorite quotes is, “sometimes you have to cut off what’s killing you even if it’s killing you to do so.” (Woah) Each time I hear that, it literally hits so deep (pause). It may hurt to let go now, but it’s hurting you more in the long run if you hold on.

I hope this post is pushing you to think of where you want to go in life, and if the people around you will either lead you there or hold you back. Life is a journey and people come into it for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The challenge is figuring out where each person falls because you want people who will go through the fire with you on the way to tremendous success; not burn out on the way. Don’t let the, for lack of a better term, enemies of progress (aka those who don’t share your goals) prevent you from becoming the game-changing trailblazer (not to be confused with the Portland Broomsticks) you’re meant to be. It’s just not worth it fam.