As my process of self-growth has progressed (now 3 months and counting), one thing I have learned is how important it is for your personal well-being and development to remove the toxins present in your life. By toxins, I mean the factors in your life that are holding you back, impacting your life in negative ways, and/or causing you more stress than you need. The thing about toxins is that oftentimes, we don't even realize what the toxins are, and this could be for a couple of different reasons: we are overcompensating how much good they do for us; we are undermining how bad things get when that toxin is present; and/or, we are denying the toxin is a toxin at all. As strange as it may be, toxins have a weird way of giving us a false sense of "comfort" because we become so accustomed to their presence, and don't want things to change to an unfamiliar, "uncomfortable" state by removing them. The truth is, we are better off without them, but letting them go can be quite a challenge.
Toxins only serve to bring you down and cause you more trouble in your life than necessary. You won't know how great your life can be until you sever those bonds. But before you can cut ties, you have to take a step back and determine what factors in your life are toxins. You can't address something you haven't admitted is actually a problem. Then, you can start mulling over what steps need to be taken. But how can one determine what toxins are present in their own life and confront them?
1) Reflect on what aspects of your life cause you pain, affliction and/or hardship. Toxins aren't just material things; they can be habits, mindsets, and even people. These individuals could be your friends, best friends, love interests, or even past or current partners. People try to justify why they have to keep that person, or people, around, even if they know that deep down, they shouldn't. And it's perfectly understandable. It's really hard to cut someone, or something, that has had some impact in your life. But overall, it comes down to your mindset. Are you looking at your situation from the perspective of your life declining or improving if you rid yourself of the toxin(s)? Your answer will reveal whether or not you understand why this must be done. And if your toxin is a person, remember that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime; once you realize which one it is, you will understand what to do with them.
2) Are you constantly making excuses for this aspect of my life? If it's a habit, are you justifying why you have to do it? If it's a mindset, are you justifying how changing it means altering who you are? If it's a person, are you justifying why you can't let them go? These are just a few examples, but the point here is that you find yourself creating implausible reasons to explain why the toxin(s) can't be removed, and it ends up coming back to bite you. Those excuses are you subconsciously - or sometimes consciously - trying to hold on to how things are now because you're afraid of the unknown, future outcome. That's how people end up in abusive relationships, not being unable to truly love someone, or God forbid worse. You have to think about your own happiness and success, and what it will take to get there. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy; it all comes at a price.
3) Think: Do the pros of this factor outweigh the cons? I really want you to consider these benefits that make it imperative for you to have these toxins in your life. There may actually be good that comes from them. If it helps, write them down. But after you have given them some thought, I want you to then consider the negative aspects of the toxins, and how they've affected your life thus far. Don't hold back, or censor yourself. Get it all out. You may find yourself getting sad, upset, angry, or even anxious, doing this, but that's alright. Sometimes facing the truth can be tough. After you have finished, look at what you have compiled and ponder it. Take a break, and come back to it later. Then, ponder it again. Do the pros really outweigh the cons?
4) Imagine a life without the toxin(s), and compare it to how things are now. Examine and note the differences with the presence and absence of the toxin(s), and make note of any areas that remain the same. With this comparison analysis, you can now physically see a life with and without the toxin, and from there, you can deduce which choice serves to benefit you the most. Honestly, if you see that life with the toxin(s) is the better option, then either that factor wasn't really a toxin, or you're still trying to defend it. You need to be as honest and objective as possible so that you can make the right decision. Remember, this is all so you can have a more promising future and set yourself up for success. Being dishonest with yourself only serves to hurt you.
5) Think about why it's so difficult for you to either cut out the toxin, or admit it is one. This ties back into the comparison you just did because within the list of how your life is with the toxin lies the reason, or reasons, why it is so problematic for you to remove them. Take a minute to understand the true meaning behind your challenge. For example, if you find it hard cutting out a person from your life, is it because they really need you in their lives, or is it because you have developed a dependency on them as well? When you can get to the core of the reason, you can then work on addressing that issue, and chances are, solving it won't be done by keeping that toxin in your life. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m not here to sugarcoat the truth; I’m here to help you get to your best self.
6) Brainstorm an action plan of how to move towards cutting that toxin out. Now that you've figured out what your toxins are, you need to figure out how to address them. This could be a list of steps, a timeline, or even a word map of what you think it'll take to carry this out. Jotting your plan down on something you can see will help you conceptualize actionable items. Now, this doesn't have to be done in a day, nor does it have to happen tomorrow. This is a difficult matter you're dealing with, so it will take some time and effort to flesh out all of the details. But the sooner you take action, the better. Once you have everything, start formalizing it into steps. After that, give yourself realistic date ranges to complete each item. Don't forget to factor in the magnitude of each toxin and the possible challenges that may arise along the way. Then, that only leaves one thing.
7) Make. It. Happen.
Toxins are just as their name implies - toxic - and they will slowly deteriorate your life in ways that may not be as apparent at first. But when they are crystal clear, you may be in so deep that it will seem impossible to separate from them. Don't let that be you. Be proactive and cut the cancer before it spreads. And that doesn't mean if you are in too deep that you should just give it up. It just means it will take a lot more work on your part. One quote that will always stick with me is, "sometimes you have to let go of what's killing you, even if it's killing you to do so." There is a great deal of truth in that quote in which I'm sure we can all relate. You might be thinking of the present and how things are manageable for the time being, but think about the future you. How tough do you think it will be for them to take the necessary actions if you can't even do it now?
By making the decision to leave things like toxins as they are is the equivalent of inhibiting your personal growth, and telling yourself you are fine being stuck in the position you are in now. I don't mean it to sound so bad but I'm being real with you. Remember how I said in my last post that getting comfortable and just getting by can be detrimental? This topic is along those same lines. The difference is that these toxins are actively affecting your life, and it will only get worse. So are you going to make the right choice for your future and take action, or are you going to ignore the problems in front of you and make due with whatever hand life deals you? If you choose the first, trust me, and your future self will thank you immensely. If you choose the second, well, don't say I didn't warn you.
Toxins only serve to bring you down and cause you more trouble in your life than necessary. You won't know how great your life can be until you sever those bonds. But before you can cut ties, you have to take a step back and determine what factors in your life are toxins. You can't address something you haven't admitted is actually a problem. Then, you can start mulling over what steps need to be taken. But how can one determine what toxins are present in their own life and confront them?
1) Reflect on what aspects of your life cause you pain, affliction and/or hardship. Toxins aren't just material things; they can be habits, mindsets, and even people. These individuals could be your friends, best friends, love interests, or even past or current partners. People try to justify why they have to keep that person, or people, around, even if they know that deep down, they shouldn't. And it's perfectly understandable. It's really hard to cut someone, or something, that has had some impact in your life. But overall, it comes down to your mindset. Are you looking at your situation from the perspective of your life declining or improving if you rid yourself of the toxin(s)? Your answer will reveal whether or not you understand why this must be done. And if your toxin is a person, remember that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime; once you realize which one it is, you will understand what to do with them.
2) Are you constantly making excuses for this aspect of my life? If it's a habit, are you justifying why you have to do it? If it's a mindset, are you justifying how changing it means altering who you are? If it's a person, are you justifying why you can't let them go? These are just a few examples, but the point here is that you find yourself creating implausible reasons to explain why the toxin(s) can't be removed, and it ends up coming back to bite you. Those excuses are you subconsciously - or sometimes consciously - trying to hold on to how things are now because you're afraid of the unknown, future outcome. That's how people end up in abusive relationships, not being unable to truly love someone, or God forbid worse. You have to think about your own happiness and success, and what it will take to get there. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy; it all comes at a price.
3) Think: Do the pros of this factor outweigh the cons? I really want you to consider these benefits that make it imperative for you to have these toxins in your life. There may actually be good that comes from them. If it helps, write them down. But after you have given them some thought, I want you to then consider the negative aspects of the toxins, and how they've affected your life thus far. Don't hold back, or censor yourself. Get it all out. You may find yourself getting sad, upset, angry, or even anxious, doing this, but that's alright. Sometimes facing the truth can be tough. After you have finished, look at what you have compiled and ponder it. Take a break, and come back to it later. Then, ponder it again. Do the pros really outweigh the cons?
4) Imagine a life without the toxin(s), and compare it to how things are now. Examine and note the differences with the presence and absence of the toxin(s), and make note of any areas that remain the same. With this comparison analysis, you can now physically see a life with and without the toxin, and from there, you can deduce which choice serves to benefit you the most. Honestly, if you see that life with the toxin(s) is the better option, then either that factor wasn't really a toxin, or you're still trying to defend it. You need to be as honest and objective as possible so that you can make the right decision. Remember, this is all so you can have a more promising future and set yourself up for success. Being dishonest with yourself only serves to hurt you.
5) Think about why it's so difficult for you to either cut out the toxin, or admit it is one. This ties back into the comparison you just did because within the list of how your life is with the toxin lies the reason, or reasons, why it is so problematic for you to remove them. Take a minute to understand the true meaning behind your challenge. For example, if you find it hard cutting out a person from your life, is it because they really need you in their lives, or is it because you have developed a dependency on them as well? When you can get to the core of the reason, you can then work on addressing that issue, and chances are, solving it won't be done by keeping that toxin in your life. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m not here to sugarcoat the truth; I’m here to help you get to your best self.
6) Brainstorm an action plan of how to move towards cutting that toxin out. Now that you've figured out what your toxins are, you need to figure out how to address them. This could be a list of steps, a timeline, or even a word map of what you think it'll take to carry this out. Jotting your plan down on something you can see will help you conceptualize actionable items. Now, this doesn't have to be done in a day, nor does it have to happen tomorrow. This is a difficult matter you're dealing with, so it will take some time and effort to flesh out all of the details. But the sooner you take action, the better. Once you have everything, start formalizing it into steps. After that, give yourself realistic date ranges to complete each item. Don't forget to factor in the magnitude of each toxin and the possible challenges that may arise along the way. Then, that only leaves one thing.
7) Make. It. Happen.
Toxins are just as their name implies - toxic - and they will slowly deteriorate your life in ways that may not be as apparent at first. But when they are crystal clear, you may be in so deep that it will seem impossible to separate from them. Don't let that be you. Be proactive and cut the cancer before it spreads. And that doesn't mean if you are in too deep that you should just give it up. It just means it will take a lot more work on your part. One quote that will always stick with me is, "sometimes you have to let go of what's killing you, even if it's killing you to do so." There is a great deal of truth in that quote in which I'm sure we can all relate. You might be thinking of the present and how things are manageable for the time being, but think about the future you. How tough do you think it will be for them to take the necessary actions if you can't even do it now?
By making the decision to leave things like toxins as they are is the equivalent of inhibiting your personal growth, and telling yourself you are fine being stuck in the position you are in now. I don't mean it to sound so bad but I'm being real with you. Remember how I said in my last post that getting comfortable and just getting by can be detrimental? This topic is along those same lines. The difference is that these toxins are actively affecting your life, and it will only get worse. So are you going to make the right choice for your future and take action, or are you going to ignore the problems in front of you and make due with whatever hand life deals you? If you choose the first, trust me, and your future self will thank you immensely. If you choose the second, well, don't say I didn't warn you.
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