As I mentioned before, I am beginning a series of posts aimed at helping you see improvement in different aspects of your life. This first installment is in regards to self-growth, with the motivation behind it being that I have been going through a process similar to this. Listed below are 8 areas of life that numerous people tend to share the commonality that addressing them is quite difficult. My belief is that if you seriously work on these aspects of your life, you should experience some level of growth, and begin moving in the right direction towards a more positive, and less troublesome, lifestyle. But you have to legitimately put in the effort to work on them, and make that commitment to stick by the changes you make as a result. Are you up for the challenge?
Anger
The point here is not to say you can't be upset about things that tick you off. We are all human. We get mad at things that push our buttons. It happens. But, it becomes a problem when getting ticked off leads you to an enraged state of mind you can't seem to break, and it causes you to lash out at others, or worse. These actions could mean you are either quick-tempered, or, overall, are just an angry person with unresolved issues. Regardless of the reason anger constantly boils within you, it only serves to harm you. It will hold you captive in a negative state of mind, and possibly lead you to make bad choices because more often than not, anger restricts your ability to think clearly.
Anger affects different aspects of our lives - some more visible than others - and leads us further down a dark path that is hard to return from. Do yourself a favor and, well, reLAX. Discover new techniques and exercises to help keep your temper on lock, and decrease the chances of you either pushing people out of your lives that can't or don't want to deal with you, and/or saying, or doing, something you will regret.
Drama
Even saying the word conjures innumerable situations from the past that all started because someone wanted to stir the pot. We have all seen and, unfortunately, still see drama in our daily lives. Drama is ubiquitous because society perpetuates it. People just love to start and/or see drama, and find joy in it at the expense of others. But all drama does is create rifts in relationships. The crazy thing is, if you look at the area(s) of your life where drama is present, it's usually created by the same individuals. It's just that people give that person the power to create drama, and then it continues throughout their lives.
You can take that power away from them by learning to settle your disputes in a constructive manner. Use your words and try to get to the source of the trouble. Drama begets more drama, and that just leads to more problems. Save yourself the unnecessary stress, and avoid it altogether. If you want to grow, you have to separate yourself from these kinds of situations that lead to no good, or else you'll be stuck in this continuous, stagnant cycle of life because you just can't resist seeing things pop off.
Gossip
Unfortunately, high school never seems to end for many people. Is that shade? It's only shade if you're the one talking s-, spreading “truths” you think you know. And crazy enough, it's probably unrelated to you. Yet you find it necessary to gossip about others. For why? It just amazes me how people have so much to say about matters that have nothing to do with them, speaking as though they have all the facts. Think about it, why is this person's name in your mouth? What's worse is that most of them will say all these things behind your back, yet turn around to smile in your face next time they see you. But I digress.
If you're feeling some type of way reading this and/or are having negative dispositions towards me for saying this, oh well, it is what it is; I'm just keepin' it real about the gossipmongers who need to hear this. If you disagree, and continue on with your ways, just watch where your actions lead you. "You reap what you sow." *shrugs* All I'm saying is, for the judgers, people who have to put their two cents in on every subject, "holier than thous", and those whose daily bread is the knowledge of everyone's business, at the end of the day, what are you gaining from spreading gossip about people, especially that which is derogatory or false, and may only serve to hurt them? How does that build you up, much less help you grow?
Jealousy
We have all have had points in our lives when we have been jealous of someone else for a number of different reasons. Jealousy arises when you see others have something you don't - something you desire dearly - and all of a sudden, you feel like your life lacks value because of the absence of that commodity. You begin to become envious of them, and have to either compete with or degrade them to make yourself feel better. This is not a healthy, or positive, mindset whatsoever. You only end up hurting yourself. And for what?
Think about all the things you have been blessed with that others probably envy you for; and I don't just mean material things. People could be jealous of anything from a specific character trait you possess to your ethnic background. Nonetheless, we all have things that we should be proud of, and in which we should be thankful. Focus on those things and not what you don't have. Doing the opposite is, in a sense, telling God you aren't grateful for what He's done because you weren't given a specific thing. He has His reasons for making us who we are, and placing us in the situations we are in. Don't lose sight of the great things you have ahead by paying attention to the blessings of those around you.
Laziness
Come on, this is a no-brainer. Nothing in life is free; close mouths don't get fed; you get the gist. You have to work for what you want in life because nothing worthwhile comes easy. The problem is, we want the desires of our heart without the effort of getting them. Everyone wants a nice body but no one wants to go to the gym. Everyone wants to be famous but no one wants to "leak" a video of-, put the work in. Everyone wants to be rich but no one wants to grind for the paper. Everyone wants to find "the one" but no one wants to get themselves together first (or admit that they need to work on some personal things, but that's another conversation).
What's the commonality with these desires? Those who labored got what they wanted, and those who didn't are still reading this post hoping I will reveal some secret methodology to get what they want with little to no effort; and they will be disappointed. And you shouldn't get complacent once you reach your goal because the world is always changing. But, if you're okay with settling in a place of just getting by, then by all means go right ahead. But remember those keywords: just getting by.
Materialism
Chasing material things will never bring you full satisfaction in life. Therefore, don't let your life be measured by what you have. A wise sage once said, "when you die you can not take it witcha," which means one day, we will all pass away, and then what value will our physical possessions have to us? Nowadays, people equate one's worth to the brands they own. You could take two pieces of clothing that look exactly the same but if one has a noteworthy logo on it, people tend to think less of the person with the "non-brand" item. You don't know the situations of others.
Now, I'm not saying you can't live lavishly and treat yourself for the hard work you do. What I'm saying is that material things should never rule your life. It really boils down to the question of whether you are living your life for the satisfaction of others, or yourself. If it's for yourself, then you should only pursue the things that you bring you genuine happiness. If it's for others, you will soon realize that you can't get everyone to like you, and that people will always find some way to undermine what you have, and/or what you've achieved. And that's real talk.
Negative Thinking
It's very easy to get discouraged when things aren't going the way you intended. But be careful- one negative thought could lead to a multitude of negative thoughts. Next thing you know, you're so far gone into depression, you don't even remember how you got there. Many people underestimate the repercussions that come with negative thinking. Yes, life does throw curve balls, but just as negative thinking can be detrimental, positive thinking can be equally, if not more, beneficial. Why? Maintaining a positive attitude can ensure you live to see your grandkids (no joke) and have a happy, fulfilling life.
When you live in negativity, you begin to lose faith in yourself, and possibly even life. Some people may be reading this and thinking "this man is tripping; it's not even that deep," but just how many of your friends do you know are actually completely fine? How sure are you that none of them are entertaining thoughts of suicide? You can't know for sure because sadly, people don't find out until it's too late. So be wary of a negative mindset because it can go unnoticed; and when left unchecked, it can cause very visible damage.
Violence
As cliché as the saying is, violence is really never the answer. It is a short-lived action that people think will help ease their pain, make them feel better, and place them in a more positive state of mind, when in reality, it does the complete the opposite. If you have a problem, you need to work it out by other means. If you think violence will make your problems go away, you are sadly mistaken. If you think violence will get you to where you want to be in life quicker, you are sadly mistaken. If you think violence is the only way to get someone to listen to you - and unfortunately, this is an idea that seems to be popular among a significant number of men - again, you are sadly mistaken.
The only thing violence insights is fear, and it gives you the impression that you are in control. But to others, you give the impression that you are, for lack of a better word, a savage. How about you use your words, in a respectful manner, to get your point across and have your voice heard? You'd be amazed at how far articulating your thoughts will take you.
Anger
The point here is not to say you can't be upset about things that tick you off. We are all human. We get mad at things that push our buttons. It happens. But, it becomes a problem when getting ticked off leads you to an enraged state of mind you can't seem to break, and it causes you to lash out at others, or worse. These actions could mean you are either quick-tempered, or, overall, are just an angry person with unresolved issues. Regardless of the reason anger constantly boils within you, it only serves to harm you. It will hold you captive in a negative state of mind, and possibly lead you to make bad choices because more often than not, anger restricts your ability to think clearly.
Anger affects different aspects of our lives - some more visible than others - and leads us further down a dark path that is hard to return from. Do yourself a favor and, well, reLAX. Discover new techniques and exercises to help keep your temper on lock, and decrease the chances of you either pushing people out of your lives that can't or don't want to deal with you, and/or saying, or doing, something you will regret.
Drama
Even saying the word conjures innumerable situations from the past that all started because someone wanted to stir the pot. We have all seen and, unfortunately, still see drama in our daily lives. Drama is ubiquitous because society perpetuates it. People just love to start and/or see drama, and find joy in it at the expense of others. But all drama does is create rifts in relationships. The crazy thing is, if you look at the area(s) of your life where drama is present, it's usually created by the same individuals. It's just that people give that person the power to create drama, and then it continues throughout their lives.
You can take that power away from them by learning to settle your disputes in a constructive manner. Use your words and try to get to the source of the trouble. Drama begets more drama, and that just leads to more problems. Save yourself the unnecessary stress, and avoid it altogether. If you want to grow, you have to separate yourself from these kinds of situations that lead to no good, or else you'll be stuck in this continuous, stagnant cycle of life because you just can't resist seeing things pop off.
Gossip
Unfortunately, high school never seems to end for many people. Is that shade? It's only shade if you're the one talking s-, spreading “truths” you think you know. And crazy enough, it's probably unrelated to you. Yet you find it necessary to gossip about others. For why? It just amazes me how people have so much to say about matters that have nothing to do with them, speaking as though they have all the facts. Think about it, why is this person's name in your mouth? What's worse is that most of them will say all these things behind your back, yet turn around to smile in your face next time they see you. But I digress.
If you're feeling some type of way reading this and/or are having negative dispositions towards me for saying this, oh well, it is what it is; I'm just keepin' it real about the gossipmongers who need to hear this. If you disagree, and continue on with your ways, just watch where your actions lead you. "You reap what you sow." *shrugs* All I'm saying is, for the judgers, people who have to put their two cents in on every subject, "holier than thous", and those whose daily bread is the knowledge of everyone's business, at the end of the day, what are you gaining from spreading gossip about people, especially that which is derogatory or false, and may only serve to hurt them? How does that build you up, much less help you grow?
Jealousy
We have all have had points in our lives when we have been jealous of someone else for a number of different reasons. Jealousy arises when you see others have something you don't - something you desire dearly - and all of a sudden, you feel like your life lacks value because of the absence of that commodity. You begin to become envious of them, and have to either compete with or degrade them to make yourself feel better. This is not a healthy, or positive, mindset whatsoever. You only end up hurting yourself. And for what?
Think about all the things you have been blessed with that others probably envy you for; and I don't just mean material things. People could be jealous of anything from a specific character trait you possess to your ethnic background. Nonetheless, we all have things that we should be proud of, and in which we should be thankful. Focus on those things and not what you don't have. Doing the opposite is, in a sense, telling God you aren't grateful for what He's done because you weren't given a specific thing. He has His reasons for making us who we are, and placing us in the situations we are in. Don't lose sight of the great things you have ahead by paying attention to the blessings of those around you.
Laziness
Come on, this is a no-brainer. Nothing in life is free; close mouths don't get fed; you get the gist. You have to work for what you want in life because nothing worthwhile comes easy. The problem is, we want the desires of our heart without the effort of getting them. Everyone wants a nice body but no one wants to go to the gym. Everyone wants to be famous but no one wants to "leak" a video of-, put the work in. Everyone wants to be rich but no one wants to grind for the paper. Everyone wants to find "the one" but no one wants to get themselves together first (or admit that they need to work on some personal things, but that's another conversation).
What's the commonality with these desires? Those who labored got what they wanted, and those who didn't are still reading this post hoping I will reveal some secret methodology to get what they want with little to no effort; and they will be disappointed. And you shouldn't get complacent once you reach your goal because the world is always changing. But, if you're okay with settling in a place of just getting by, then by all means go right ahead. But remember those keywords: just getting by.
Materialism
Chasing material things will never bring you full satisfaction in life. Therefore, don't let your life be measured by what you have. A wise sage once said, "when you die you can not take it witcha," which means one day, we will all pass away, and then what value will our physical possessions have to us? Nowadays, people equate one's worth to the brands they own. You could take two pieces of clothing that look exactly the same but if one has a noteworthy logo on it, people tend to think less of the person with the "non-brand" item. You don't know the situations of others.
Now, I'm not saying you can't live lavishly and treat yourself for the hard work you do. What I'm saying is that material things should never rule your life. It really boils down to the question of whether you are living your life for the satisfaction of others, or yourself. If it's for yourself, then you should only pursue the things that you bring you genuine happiness. If it's for others, you will soon realize that you can't get everyone to like you, and that people will always find some way to undermine what you have, and/or what you've achieved. And that's real talk.
Negative Thinking
It's very easy to get discouraged when things aren't going the way you intended. But be careful- one negative thought could lead to a multitude of negative thoughts. Next thing you know, you're so far gone into depression, you don't even remember how you got there. Many people underestimate the repercussions that come with negative thinking. Yes, life does throw curve balls, but just as negative thinking can be detrimental, positive thinking can be equally, if not more, beneficial. Why? Maintaining a positive attitude can ensure you live to see your grandkids (no joke) and have a happy, fulfilling life.
When you live in negativity, you begin to lose faith in yourself, and possibly even life. Some people may be reading this and thinking "this man is tripping; it's not even that deep," but just how many of your friends do you know are actually completely fine? How sure are you that none of them are entertaining thoughts of suicide? You can't know for sure because sadly, people don't find out until it's too late. So be wary of a negative mindset because it can go unnoticed; and when left unchecked, it can cause very visible damage.
Violence
As cliché as the saying is, violence is really never the answer. It is a short-lived action that people think will help ease their pain, make them feel better, and place them in a more positive state of mind, when in reality, it does the complete the opposite. If you have a problem, you need to work it out by other means. If you think violence will make your problems go away, you are sadly mistaken. If you think violence will get you to where you want to be in life quicker, you are sadly mistaken. If you think violence is the only way to get someone to listen to you - and unfortunately, this is an idea that seems to be popular among a significant number of men - again, you are sadly mistaken.
The only thing violence insights is fear, and it gives you the impression that you are in control. But to others, you give the impression that you are, for lack of a better word, a savage. How about you use your words, in a respectful manner, to get your point across and have your voice heard? You'd be amazed at how far articulating your thoughts will take you.
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