Cuffing Szn - Did You Make the Draft?

As if Hurricane Harvey and Irma weren’t bad enough, another potential problem has just surfaced - cuffing season: the 5th, unrecognized season that is now an actual thing. For those who don’t know what cuffing season is, traditionally, it is the time of the year when people start looking for someone with whom they can brave those frigid Winter nights. From the application process, to the scouting period, to the tryouts, to the draft, and beyond, cuffing season has become quite a time to be alive. But just as it provides a great deal of benefits, especially for those in school, it can also have numerous potential downfalls- downfalls that are oftentimes overlooked. In numerous cases, this season is awaited by many because of the sudden influx of relationships around us. Isn’t that crazy? Just when you’re learning to be single, it seems like all of a sudden, everyone wants to jump into relationships, and you, being on your own, start to think that your spacious twin XL bed could have room for one more. Some might attribute this to FOMO (fear of missing out), and some might say it’s the justification people need to not be alone because Winter is actually coming. Regardless of the reason, cuffing season is now a recognized time of the year and that is now upon us. So how are you gonna act?

Before we dive in, I want to ask a question:

How many of us have actually taken the time to talk to those we’re involved with?

Just think about it.

You see, the problem with both our own and the upcoming generation is that we do not communicate effectively- or at all, for that matter. All we have are our assumptions and beliefs, which in regards to being involved with someone, tends to differ. In numerous scenarios, this miscommunication is what leads to trouble such as someone being led

on, feelings being hurt, and sometimes, a lot worse. Now, some may argue that if you didn’t say anything to lead to these situations then you’re good. However, things are never that simple when a person’s emotions are involved. Everyone has their own way of thinking, which means even though you may view things one way, they may view it in a completely different way. The point I’m making here is that we need to do better communicating, and we need not be afraid to speak honestly and openly, especially about your intentions and desires toward the person you’re involved with. You save yourself a great deal of trouble–

I repeat, a great deal of trouble

- if you literally just talk.

Now, moving forward with cuffing season, let’s be real. Cuffing season is a reason many people use to get something from another person without the added responsibility of a relationship. It’s an interesting space where you are getting the benefits of a “commitment” without having to put in as much effort, or even really claim the other person. The key aspect is that it is more often times than not, temporary. To some, this is perfect with Winter right around the corner and having the knowledge that those thin, cotton-polyester blend bed sheets (maybe silk or nylon for my bougie folk) won’t keep you warm enough. But for others, it’s an opportunity to test something that could become more serious in the future. You see? There’s already a disconnect with people’s intentions. But I can’t tell you which is better because it’s a season of good and/or bad outcomes. So I’ll let you be the judge.

PROS

“I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold.” (pastor voice) The Bible says! in Ecclesiastes 4:11! that, “Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?” Actually, scratch that line lol (Lord forgive me- that is not how to quote the Bible). Due to the Winter nights being so cold, sometimes you get to the point where

your bed linens just aren’t enough. As a result, people look for other methods of minimizing the effects of the drop in temperature; one of those methods being drafting someone to help them take care of that. So you might ask “how exactly does another person help reduce those icy nights and rampant shivers?” There are a multitude of ways; but then again, I don’t know what the kids are doing these days. Therefore, I will leave that up to you all to figure out and decide. I’m sure something will click.

Watch those stress levels drop. Having someone there to spend time with, go out with, and have fun with doing numerous activities together can help your stress levels a great deal. Not only is that other person probably going through similar, if not the same, struggles as you are, but they too understand how important it is to take your mind off of the troubles that have you bent out of shape. Many times we become so consumed in our work, assignments, deadlines, and just about everything else, that we never take the time to do something that’s just fun. Having that new draft pick can help alleviate that problem.

It’s like a relationship without the commitment. This is probably the piece that attracts a significant number of people. A commitment is not only something we have begun taking lightly compared to the past, but it is also a huge aspect of life to take on. That is why having cuffing season is a middle ground for many people because they get the best of both worlds- they have someone there for them when they need them but they don’t have to necessarily put in as much effort. Now, that can be both a good and a bad thing, but given the fact that this is the side in favor of cuffing season, it’s a nice balance they can handle in addition to their hectic lives.

“I wanna give you better.” Like I said, cuffing season can be seen as a relationship without the commitment. In a sense, you can think of it as a test run for a real relation-

ship. I am speaking specifically in regards to how you commit time to another person, how you involve yourself with that one person, and how much you trust them. Granted, this is traditionally how cuffing season has been treated but not everyone sticks to one person and these aren’t all of the things necessary for a successful relationship. However, they do give some insight to what a relationship with that person could be like. Then you can make moves from there to work towards it becoming something serious if that’s a mutual desire you both want to pursue.

CONS

“Feels like you can be the one catchin’ feelings.” Now, catching feelings is only a con when it’s not mutual. If it is, more power to you. If not, this can be one of the most dangerous aspects of cuffing season because more often than not, it happens. You are spending a substantial amount of time with a person, sharing a piece of your life with

them, and some level of intimacy. It’s no wonder someone may catch feelings. This situation can lead to one of three things: the person either cuts it off completely to avoid getting hurt, they continue on with the hope that those feelings will eventually be reciprocated, or they talk it out with the person and figure out how to move forward. As some of you have guessed, the latter half rarely happens, which can leave a person in a complicated situation. If it gets to this point, some hard choices will have to be made.

Someone gets hurt. This piggybacks from the last point of one’s feelings getting involved. The last thing anyone should want to do when they draft someone is hurt them. Now, that doesn’t necessarily have to just be if they catch feelings. It could also be from expressing dissatisfaction with them, not giving them much time and/or attention, or by continuously looking for other candidates while involved with them. What if you decided to get involved with a friend? That could possibly mean the end of that friendship if things went sour. What if you’re in school? Something like that could potentially affect the reputation you have, or how people view you. Once people have a certain perception of you, especially when you mess up, it is very hard to convince them otherwise. So just bear that in mind when making your decision.

Are we exclusive or ... As mentioned before, some view this as a relationship without the commitment. However, because it has similarities to a relationship, the line between the relationship and, essentially, the situationship, becomes blurred. This is why people usually catch feelings or get mixed signals of the other person’s intentions. That is also why I emphasize communication; you have to set the “ground rules” of how things will work, or else things can go very bad, very soon. Make sure there are clear guidelines on what cuffing season will look like for you two so that things don’t blow up in your face.

“Put two and two together, but that just makes four, not forever.” This shouldn’t need too much explaining. The purpose of cuffing season is that it only lasts for a season, meaning it’s temporary. Now, I’m not saying something can’t come out of it, but that is

usually the mindset people walk in with. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. But then that leads to the question: How do you conclude things when the season is over? Do you shake hands, wish each other luck, and go your separate ways? Do you keep it casual and just send the other person a text saying, “It’s been real / Bye big head / Don’t wait up for me- I catch flights not feelings” Do you have a quick prayer meeting to wish the other person journey mercy or a blessed year moving forward? I don’t know but that can be a pretty awkward situation if you ask me. Nonetheless, be mindful of this fact that many people forget because otherwise, you could setting yourself up.

I want you to take a step back and think: Is this a season you want to participate in? And if it is, is it something you can handle, no matter the outcome? If you can answer yes to both of these questions, then get back to the practice grounds, or the Potentials Combine (if you’re a football fan), and keep your eye out on whose resumes you want to accept. For those who answered no to either of those questions, that’s perfectly fine; at least you’re being honest with yourself and are thinking through if this is a road you want to venture down. As alluring and enticing as cuffing season can be, you can’t ignore its risks and potential damage; they will always be there. But that doesn’t mean this has to be a lonely time for you. Focus on the extra money you’ll be saving, copious amounts of studying you’ll be getting in, and the potential drama you’ll be avoiding. For those participating and who are looking to draft soon, relaaaax. No need to brag about it or flaunt the fact that you will soon not be as cold at night. You never know how your words are influencing those around you. Plus, drafting someone for cuffing season is usually supposed to be kept between you and your draftee. Overall, the moral of the story is that there are benefits on both sides.

Regardless of your choice, try not to think too much about what those on the other side are doing. You have your reasons for picking the side you did. But remember the number one thing you should do this season- communicate. I can’t reiterate enough how important it actually is. My words shared here aren’t meant to decide for you whether to participate or not, but just to implore you to think. You make the decision for yourself. With that, good luck this season. May your nights be warm, and the odds be forever in your favor. I’ll see you when it’s warmer outside and everyone wants to be single again (lol).