That’s My Best Friend, Who’s Also My Bae?

“­My best friend. My best friend.” The person that holds that special place in your heart. Not a sibling. Not a cousin. But a best friend. That person obviously holds that title because they play a significant, and beneficial, role in your life in more ways than one. But have you ever had a time when you wanted more than just a close friendship? I mean, clearly you love their company, the conversations you all have, their personality, and overall, who they are as a person; they would seem like a great choice! But are they? I’m sure the thought of starting a relationship with a best friend has crossed some of our minds at some point, but we probably never acted on it. Why is that?

Well, there’s the friendship itself. Crossing that line means potentially putting the friendship you all built at risk in case things didn’t work out (God forbid). There is also a different air that settles over the both of you once you give the relationship an official title. Will things be the same? Will you have the same feelings for the other person? However, on the opposing side, dating a best friend could be one of the best decisions you make because when we are looking for the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we want it to be someone we can call our best friend. If you already have one and take the relationship to the next level, then you have achieved just that. This will, in turn, deepen the bond between the two of you, and make the relationship more likely to last. But of course, this is all dependent on the both of you having mutual, romantic feelings towards one another, and not just friendly vibes.

Quick Disclaimer: I personally haven’t dated someone who was already my best friend, but it is something I would try should the opportunity arise. So for the purpose of this post, I will present arguments on both sides of the topic– the pros, or benefits, and cons, or risks, of dating your best friend. Then from there, you can make the decision if it’s something you want to pursue. Deal?

CONS (Starting with the negatives so that we can end on a positive note. 😁)

• They don’t reciprocate your feelings in the way you’d like.
• You realize in the context of a relationship, you don’t like them as much as you thought. This could be due to certain traits they exhibit that are only seen in a relationship, or even your overall disposition towards them in a romantic sense. Either way, it ends up not being what you expected, or hoped for.
• Your disagreements can manifest in negative ways that cause a rift between the two of you.
• You don’t know how to treat them differently- as in your boyfriend or girlfriend. This is actually pretty real for many people because you’re so accustomed to treating them a certain way, but don’t know how to cross the bridge to romanticism.
• The best friendship aspect behind it is lost
• You realize that you love them, but are not in love with them– there’s a difference. And if you don’t realize the difference soon enough, you will jeopardize your friendship.
• Things don’t work out.

PROS

• You don’t have to take the time to get to know them because you already do. Compare this to individuals who are in relationships and are learning about their partner along the way; learning things that could potentially create problems in the relationship before it actually takes off. This is coupled along with numerous other reasons why relationships don’t last- people don’t really know the person they are involved with until it’s too late.
• Your bond and connection has a strong foundation because as best friends, you have probably endured a great deal together, and have overcome the odds in the end.
• You have solid communication, which, surprisingly, is missing for countless relationships today. This communication is the result of having a great deal of understanding of how to convey various types of information to them, knowing what should and should not be said, and what kind of environments they are most receptive.
• They have always been dependable, and are there when you need them (major key). You want someone you know you can rely on whenever a situation arises.
• You trust each other. The amount of time that you two have been best friends and the information you entrust them with can attest to that.
• You are already transparent and honest with each other.
• They love you for who you are. You all made it this far with your genuine characters and personalities, and not by trying to be someone you believe they would prefer.
• You already have a solid friendship, and that is essential for a long-lasting relationship.

Despite it seeming as if the pros outweigh the cons in terms of quantity, the cons do present high stakes. Ultimately, it boils down to whether or not you want to risk the strong friendship you two have built on an intimate relationship, and that is generally what holds people back from giving it a chance; and I don’t blame them. I won’t tell you what you should do, or what’s best for you– mainly because it’s not my place. But making a decision of this magnitude takes time, crucial thought, open discussion, and– this is my personal opinion – prayer on the matter. Then, you can make a more informed, and understandable decision. However, remember that once you make that choice, there is no turning back. Yoda once said, “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” For this particular topic, you should interpret that quote as saying you do not really having the option to “test” how things could be with your best friend. By that I mean that once the dynamic of the best friendship changes, it may be difficult to revert back to how things were. That’s not to say that this will for sure happen, but again, it’s a potential risk you are taking on. So take heed my friend, and be wise in your decision-making. Because you only get one chance to shoot your shot.