Could you forgive someone who cheated on you? Or better yet - could you forgive someone who hurt your family (God forbid)? As impossible as it may sound, there are people who have. To others, they could never imagine doing such a thing to someone who cut them so deeply - and I don’t blame them. The crazy thing is, despite knowing why forgiveness is important, I still find it difficult to answer those questions. Forgiveness has to be one of the toughest challenges in life - right up there with patience, staying awake in late night 2.5 hour class, and dieting. But it is also one of the factors of life that hold most of us back. Absolving someone of the wrong they did you - relieving yourself of that resentment, anger, and even hatred you may feel toward them - though hard, is the best thing you could do for yourself. You may think removing that person from your life completely is the best decision you could make for the benefit of your future - but you’d be wrong. Although it may feel like the right decision now, it is only going to create a void within you that will only give way to sadness, and overall, an empty feeling inside. You may not notice it, or understand where it is coming from, but more often than not, that void is created because of these kinds of situations - situations where we just can not let go of what someone has done to us. But what we fail to realize is that in the end, we are only hurting ourselves.
Now I know we have all been wronged in one way or another. I’m talking about cases where our worst petty and shady behavior came out; I’m talking about to the point where when you see that person, it’s as if something completely takes over your mind and you’re immediately taken to level 1000. In that moment, you probably told yourself you would never find it in yourself to forgive that person. And that’s understandable. People mess up at times because that’s what humans do.
But does that really solve your problem? You may feel good about it at the time but that only covers the wrongdoing temporarily. In reality, that is going to eat at you for a long time to come. For those who don’t know what I’m talking or don’t think they’re experiencing this, I’d like to ask a question- Do you have this internal feeling, void, or just something inside of you that you can’t explain? Kind of like an itch, but no matter how many times you scratch this itch or ignore it, it’s still there. If you keep scratching this itch, or try getting rid of it on your own, and see no improvement, then that's gross fam, you’re going to need to consult someone, or even see a general health care provider for testing, because your issues might be contagious and require immediate treatment. But seriously, you are only creating a burden for yourself by holding onto this grudge against the person who did you dirty. It’s honestly just not worth it. You need to learn to forgive as soon as possible.
There are four reasons why you should find it in your heart to forgive a person: life is too short, the hate hurts you, removing the burden on yourself, and making peace with the pain.
Life is just too short. Plain and simple. There is enough trouble going on in the world - we have walls being built, McDonald’s running out of salt for their french fries, and people screenshotting when you slide into their DMs. The last thing you need is another source of stress and anguish on your plate. We should all desire to live a long, healthy, and happy life, and holding resentment in your heart is not helping you do that. Somewhere along the way, this resentment will arise and just cause you more problems - and no one wants that. Think long-term - is it really worth holding onto, and shortening your life over?
In regards to the hate or negative feelings, it’s understandable that you may not want to forgive that person for what they did; however, you’re going to be the one suffering the most. After some time, they may move on because what’s done is done, and they will go on living their lives. You on the other hand will continue to battle this burden. Deep down inside, you know that the hate you hold only causes pain, or distress. Don’t let it rule over your life and your happiness. You can only deny it for so long before you realize it’s actually a problem.
This burden becomes a weight on your shoulders that will not be easily removed. Forgiveness is not necessarily saying what the person did was okay, nor does it mean you have to welcome that person back into your life. Forgiveness is not something we do for the other person; it’s something we do for ourselves so that we can be happy. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” If our great and invincible God can forgive us for every single wrong we do - both big and small - then we should be able to emulate that and do the same unto others. This may be a bit extreme, but think of not forgiving someone like being locked up. Prison is not cute. You are sitting in a cell, and the key is right in front of you to free yourself. But the key is dirty, rough, and unpleasing to both the eye and touch. However, you know if you endure that temporary discomfort and undesirable feeling, you can soon be free. The choice is yours. You actually got the key.
Unburdening yourself from this feeling leads to my next point of coming to peace with the pain and the problem. Let’s go back to the jail cell visual (sorry it’s so depressing, but it gets the point across lol). Once you have freed yourself from the jail cell, you will realize how much of a difference that makes in your life. That crucial step across the threshold of forgiveness is necessary in order to come to terms with what the person did. This means you have accepted that it happened and are making the conscious decision to move forward to a happier life. Of course, this is easier said than done. But think about a time when you felt relieved to finally be able to do something - Maybe it was waiting outside of the club when you really had to pee, but you wanted to be classy and wait until you’re inside to do it (even though that’s not always the case *side eye emoji*); or procrastinating a homework assignment until the due date and finally getting it done at 11:58pm; or waiting for that direct deposit to hit your bank account so you could splurge on those shoes you’d been eyeing all week. But the point is that forgiveness and coming to terms with the problem is the stage in this entire process that makes all the difference, and is the first step to the a more rewarding, happy life. But you won’t know until you cross that threshold.
Now obviously there are levels to the wrong people can do to you. Some things are weighed a lot heavier than others. However, the deeper the problem you have, the more trouble you’re creating for yourself, and the bigger the burden you will carry. You may not feel it now, you may not feel it tomorrow, but at some point you will realize there is an actual itch you’re trying to scratch and either can’t find it, or ignoring how it got there. The Lord tells us to forgive because it allows us to be both free and unburdened. He only wants us to be happy, and in order to achieve that, we must take this first step. Bearing that in mind, we should also remember that we probably have done others wrong as well, and have wanted forgiveness from them, too. So don’t always be so quick to reject the idea of forgiving that person. Just give it some time. And to those who are on the other side and have caused the problem, look out for another part of this series centered around apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Like I mentioned before, your life is just too short to be adding unnecessary complications. Do yourself a favor and allow yourself to be free. And remember, the Lord also says in Matthew 6:15, “But if you do not forgive others of their sins, the Father will not forgive you of yours.” Let that be a little extra push when making your decision.
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