#SingleForTheNight

Commitment - You would think it would be such a simple concept to understand, right? Wrong. These days, people can’t even commit to a show to watch, much less a relationship. The definition of what it means to commit to another person seems to have changed from back in the day where people held a relationship in a higher regard. As sad as it is, the lines between a relationship and just talking to someone seem to be pretty blurred. It’s already hard trying to slide into the DMs, but after you do, you enter a whole new world of ambiguity. People just don’t seem to value a relationship as much as they used to. I decided to write about this because it seems every so often, another case arises to exemplify my sentiments. That is why I believe - and I think many people would agree - that what I see today aren’t relationships, but really close friendships.

People tend to jump into relationships these days without fully considering what they are getting into. They spend time with a person for a couple of weeks, things seem to be going perfect, and then they feel the need to make it official before they really even know the person. In some cases, this leads to people dropping the L-word pretty early on - but that’s a discussion for another day. The point is that people don’t seem to think before they act; they are unaware of what it takes to be truly committed to another person, and the expectations that come with that. As a result, they end up doing things like flirting with other people, being petty with their significant other, getting into arguments, pushing each other’s buttons intentionally, not treating the other person as they should be treated, and worst of all, cheating. These are just a few of the problems couples tend to go through in a relationship that doesn’t have a strong foundation. A relationship is like a building. You can’t build a great one without a solid foundation. If you do, it’s not likely to stand for long or withstand much.

I feel pretty strongly about this issue for  my own personal reasons, tracing back through my family history. Because of this, I know if I commit to someone, I want to be treated like their partner, and not their basic friend. I know if my siblings or friends got into a relationship, I would want their commitment to be revered with the utmost respect and regard.

Since a commitment seems to be something many are struggling with, I want to provide some advice on what a commitment is, and how to maintain it. This generation needs to do a lot better with how they treat things like a relationship, and I hope I can help provide a step in the right direction.

So, what does it mean to be committed? Being committed to another person means you are devoting your time, energy, funds, and overall life, to that person for the purposes of keeping them happy and satisfied. This includes efforts to maintain the relationship, help improve it, and much more. I don’t mean to make it sound like you are selling your soul to this person (actually, you low key are), but you are making the decision to focus on that one person above others and treat them right. When you commit to anything in life, you should take it seriously, and treat it with respect. How you treat that commitment speaks volumes about who you are as a person. This could contribute to why many people choose not to commit - it requires a lot from a person. You are either all in, or not at all.

What should you be doing in a relationship?

• Treating your partner with respect
• Making sure your partner is happy and appreciated
• Giving your partner more attention and priority than  other people
• Showing affection to your partner, and your partner alone
• Communicating
• Making time for that person

And many more...

What shouldn’t you be doing in a relationship?

• Don’t give your partner reason to distrust you
• Don’t play the field or entertain other options you may have
• Don’t treat your partner like they are less than they are
• Don’t call out your partner’s flaws in a derogatory way.
• Don’t use your partner for your own personal benefit
• DON’T CHEAT (the fact that I even have to say this is sad)

The list could go on forever (but actually)

My point isn’t to preach, or dictate a list that shows you everything that you’re doing wrong. Every relationship is different. My point is to let you know the types of things you should always have in mind when you are in a relationship. Naturally, the lists above extend much further as you delve deeper into the details of each unique relationship. If I even tried to list them all, this post would go on forever. The above listed are just the core, applicable-to-every-relationship do’s and don’ts.  

Think of a relationship as a 24/7 job. It isn’t something you can just put off and pick up when you find it convenient. When you commit to someone, you are committing to that person for the long run. This isn’t me saying you can’t commit to someone unless you intend to marry that person. In fact, I believe you can learn from each relationship you find yourself in, even if it only lasts a few months. I am simply saying think through everything that you are signing up for.

Just as you are carefully deciding the right clothes to wear for the weather, the right team to use in a game of 2K, the right color lipstick for your skin color and outfit, think about whether getting into a relationship is the right decision for you. Take the time to really get to know the person. You need to know who they are when they are alone, around random people, around their friends, around your friends, when they wake up 6am (and how they look -- major key), when they are upset, when they are happy, when they are sad, and any other situation you can think of. If you don’t really know how this person behaves (and looks) in these situations, you need to take some more time before committing. Develop a friendship, and learn more about them.

I don’t understand why people are so hasty to jump into a relationship. It’s hard! A relationship is a huge responsibility and a big deal. I have found the best relationships develop from a solid friendship and not actively looking for one. If you know you aren’t ready for a relationship, or if you can’t see yourself sticking to just one person, don’t take the chance with someone’s feelings, fam. I’m being so serious. Personally, I’m  tired of hearing how people are supposed to be committed, but are living life like they’re single. It’s not right. If you want to be single, be single. Don’t get in a relationship and start breaking the promise  you made because you know you can get away with it for whatever reason. Think about the consequences.

A relationship is something sacred and it’s about time we starting treating it as such. Make sure committing is something you are ready to handle, and not a split second decision you made. And if you are in a relationship and aren’t happy, don’t take that out on the other person by treating them badly or making mistakes. Communicate. If it’s not something you want to stay in any longer, then end it. But it’s always best if you can avoid the trouble of breaking someone’s heart altogether by taking the time to determine if you actually want to be with that person.

I hope you take my words in their entirety and, at least, think before committing, and if you do decide to commit, take it seriously. If you don’t, that’s cool too - to each, his own.