It's taken me a while to compile this post because I've been trying to think of what it truly means to be a friend. For a seemingly simple thing to define, there is more to it than meets the eye. Being a friend is more than just a full-time job or something people call those close to them, its someone with whom you share a special, unbreakable bond. I don't mean that you are in love with that person, have certain non-platonic feelings for them, or have ulterior motives and are using the friendship as a means of attaining it. I mean you have this person in your life because they help make a positive impact on it, and you do the same for them (Note: friendship is a two-way street!).
So what I've decided to do is give some pointers on friendships people tend to overlook or forget, which, at times, leads to many issues down the road. These are points I not only see in my own friendships, but others as well, and I believe should be addressed before a small matter becomes a huge problem, To start, friendships are started in all kinds of ways, and when a true friendship is formed, it lasts forever. It is not defined by how long you have shared that bond, how much you spend time together, how much you talk, what you do for them on a constant basis, or other things that make people lose vision of what a friendship is supposed to mean. A friendship is defined the willingness a person has to help their friend, the love and care they have for them, and how much of a positive impact they have made on their lives.
First, it is true friends should spend time together, but that doesn't mean all the time. One or both of them may be committed, be enrolled in a tough major that consumes majority of their time, have a job that requires them to work a lot, or have other obligations they must attend to which would mean sacrificing free time. Despite the situation, your friendship shouldn't be negatively affected because of this. Yes, they should try to make time for their friends, but if it doesn't always happen, that doesn't mean they care for you any less. It just means it wasn't in the cards at the time for you all to spend time together, and that's fine. You know in your heart that they are trying, and not pushing you to the side to get back to you at their convenience. In addition, when a friend does make time for you, don't concentrate so much on how much time they spend with you, rather be more concerned with how that time is spent. If you focus so much on how they don't spend enough time with you or are never there for as long as you want, you not only take away the meaning in the time you do have together, but you also make your friend less likely to want to make time in the future.
Second, a friendship is not based on how many times a friend is there for you. It is true, friends should be or are usually there in your time of need. But life is too unpredictable to hold it against them if they are not. We all have our commitments and obligations, so you can't always blame a person for not being there whenever you need them. Friends will do their best to be there when you need them. It may not always be prevalent to you when they are not able to help, but it's true. Friends don't help each other at their convenience. Rather, they help when they can. Never take what your friend does for granted by pointing out the times they weren't there, and making them feel as if the things they did do before meant nothing.
Third, don't be a needy friend. One thing I have noticed that causes ripples in a friendship is when a person is very needy and overly dependent on their friends. A friend is always willing to help, but there comes a point when they may not want to help as much because of the frequency of things asked of them. You shouldn't take advantage of your friends and the things they are willing to do for you. We must learn at times to deal with our own issues without the help of others. This is how we grow as individuals. There will come a time when we need help, and if we are so dependent on our friends and they aren't there, what then?
The fourth and final point I want to make is that we should always make sure our friends are appreciated. As busy as people's lives get, we don't always have the free time to be in contact or physically with our friends. However, something as simple as sending a text asking them how they're doing, calling them out of the blue for a casual talk, or paying them a surprise visit goes a long way. It's the little things in life we must learn to cherish and appreciate because they are what help us keep order in our lives. You don't have to talk to a person everyday for them to be a friend. When the semester starts, I have close cousins and friends I won't even speak to until the summer or the end of the year. But that doesn't mean I love them any less. We have that mutual understanding that life gets busy a lot, and we have to stay on the move to keep up with it. A friendship lasts forever, but that's only when both people feel as if they are appreciated and remembered. All they need to know is that you still keep them in mind. Otherwise, what really makes that relationship a friendship?
I say these things not as a lecture to people on how to keep friends, but rather as advice on how you should treat and look at friendships. I definitely haven't covered all the points about a friendship because there are many more. I have only touched on a few of the overlooked, important details to remember in a friendship. We all need friends in our lives to stay happy. Learn to concentrate less on the things friends do wrong, and more on the things they do for us. I'm not saying a friend can treat you however they like and just expect you to be okay with it. That is a case when you need to use your discretion to see if this person is actually your friend. The point I am trying to make is that we should treat friends with respect, and as we would want to be treated. Keep these words in mind, replicate them in your lives, and I guarantee you'll see improvement in your friendships.
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